Witt's End

I am obsessed with a perfectly sharpened pencil. The thinnest lead or finest point I can manage. Usually slightly harder than the mean. I don't need it super dark. I need it fast. Sure. Almost forcing a light touch. Scratching not scribbling my prose. One that feels right. Probably moving this way because my handwriting is so damn small.  Recently I've started using fountain pens for my inked needs. Some people choose fountain pens for gravitas or luxury. My change was arguably a more practical one. Being able to write with lighter pressure. Hand injuries build interesting needs. So after a little experimentation I settled on a plastic student and a plastic pocket pen. Both Kawecos with a fine and an extra fine nib respectively. After all of that I came to a realization. I was chasing a first love. A continuing subconscious obsession. The finer and firmer nibbed fountain pens were about chasing the feel of a smooth freshly sharpened pencil. The evidence is obvious. Gravitating ...

I worry that we are sometimes too obsessed with being holy. So focused we lose sight of what's happening day to day, and who's around in the here and now.  I know I have fallen into the trap of seeking extreme spiritual edification and enlightenment all the time. And at times I found it. Or I thought I did. At least a set of actions that told me I felt holy. Actions that became more and more performative. So it led not to being but to appearing holy all the time. And all too often appearing or attempting to appear holier than thou. It was fake. And I wasn't feeling awe. I was going through a set of motions. And I worry when we make the pursuit of holiness and worship a checklist instead of an authentic lived experience. The insincerity is especially visible in our interactions with others. And we can't hide it.  What exactly am I talking about? And what do we do about it? --- I'm writing this a week removed from Easter, Holy week. I think that should tell you where ...

 I wrote these on Sunday March 29th 2026, a grey Palm Sunday.  --- there is only time life is the fleeting of spring until it's over ---- Pain can be constant Unrelentless reminders Of a Body's time ---- the Sun will come back Day after Day after Day Time after Time

 As I grow older I've become much less comfortable negatively addressing other people's theology and faith. There are different ways to worship. Different interpretations of the Bible. Different ways to follow Jesus. Shoot there are other deities that garner awe, respect, and devotion. I can't comment on conversion and conviction in a fair manner, especially if I want the same in return. Faith shouldn’t be a debate, it should be an experience. One we can share with others openly, freely, and without fear. I don't feel I can challenge the root of that faith itself.  What I do feel more confident in doing is confronting harmful policies and actions; even if those have been informed by faith. We can look at daily actions and weigh in on those.  I have come to find that what alarms me most are those actions that are coercive or cause harm to others.  That's the line. Two years ago I wrote , "We can't be surprised that humans who have diverse needs for mental a...

 I had a thought in sacrament meeting today. It's been a long time since I felt a sense of awe or wonder at church. I can think of multiple times I've been awed by the beauty and wonder of the natural world around me. The time I felt stirred by a piece of music or a work of art. Felt grace at the hands of another's care and service. But I haven't felt that at church. And I'd be lying if at times it hasn't made me wonder if I'm broken.  I see the emotion in talks, hear the people that are moved. It just isn't resonating with me the same way anymore. I want to connect with the people. I want my children to have a spiritual foundation. I want to have a place where I can discuss doctrine and scripture. And in our current ward we have, I have some of that.  Yet. I just don't feel the wonder. I don't feel moved. Here. But I'd like too. I think my calibration for what is emotional and what is spiritual may be part of it. It's different than I us...