Witt's End

The lack of acceptance and often hostility I’ve felt in so many circles is currently growing.  This is a stream of consciousness filled with frustration and pain. Read accordingly. Please.—- Have you ever spent time in a place where people hate an inherent part of you? Repeatedly? I’m not talking a belief you hold. I’m talking about something inherent. Intrinsic to you. Now I’m a privileged white guy, so my experience doesn’t involve around race. And usually doesn’t involve my gender.  Mine involves something you can’t see. Something that  ——— I'm just going to say it. I'm flabbergasted at times by how much so many people fear and/or hate queer people. I'm using the catch all term for a reason. It's not a specific fear or anger. It's diffused. It's more inherent. It's frightening to me.  Different cultural groups are grappling with the history and the present as they work through this period of history.  I'm struggling to give the grace to others on this...

There is something I’ve referenced at times in My writing that I want to address directly tonight. It’s question a lot of people ask themselves. It comes in various forms, am I gay? Am I bi? I think I have the answer to the question. It’s pretty simple. Ready? Here goes. If you never asked if the love you had for a same gendered friend was platonic friendship or infatuated affection you're straight. If you felt butterflies identical to a heterosexual crush or found yourself wondering if a friendly hug could turn into an embrace you’re bi or gay. See it’s pretty simple. I recognize now how confusing it was to think a close friend is attractive and not be able to talk about it. To desire something that seemed so out of reach. Yet was so simple.  I felt that way about boys and girls. Different individuals. There was infatuation greater than a friendship. More often than not unreturned. Regardless of gender. But looking back it was so obvious.  It’s not some mystery. And people eb...

There's a term that doesn't get addressed much in my faith when it comes to identity and a sense of self and being. That term is erasure. Specifically the more tailored and informative term of bi-erasure. Many people who may read this may not be familiar with the term, others may think it's apologetics  I think the problem I've ran into, the struggle I've had is that identity in my faith is most commonly correlated to one's behavior. When it comes to the topic of sexuality this becomes especially prevalent and I'm afraid misses the boat.  I've written before about how I don't see my sexuality as a burden, no I see it as an inherent part of who I am. That idea is ambivalently addressed by my faith. At times that ambivalence or mystery is harmful.  Questions often arise. Questions that I struggle to address. Am I magically saved just because I’m married to my wife? As a married member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints it’s common knowl...

 “Our body will be perfect in Heaven.” Resurrection in perfection. A source of hope for a lot of people. For me. I don’t know.  Now if you’re of a tradition or belief that is purely spiritual or based in reincarnation then his may not resonate with you. But if you are of a faith in bodily resurrection and restoration go ahead and stick around. I hope this doesn’t infuriate you. It’s just something that’s been jumping up around me for some time. See the idea of a resurrection in perfection frightens me. Not because I fear resurrection, no because of what perfection means to others. And what that may strip from people.  I’ve been taught from a young age that when we die, we all get resurrected in time. And at that resurrection all of our aging, infirmities, weaknesses, injuries etc will be taken from us. The first time I broke a bone that sounded amazing. When I got chicken pox and acne scars I was elated. Ditto with the stretch marks from my growth spurts.  The idea t...

I'm scrambling with thoughts overrunning my attempts to type as I try to write it all out. I've been staring at a lot of conversation and criticism that I can't fully understand.  Why does who someone loves or is attracted to matter so much? Why is it so threatening? Who someone decides to be with shouldn't effect others that damn much.  Just thinking about this is getting me oddly emotional. Intimacy is more than romance. And romance is so much more than sex. Therefore intimacy is so much more than sex. And we miss that.  When people talk about the person they want to be in a relationship with they want to be, who they want to be with, they think of a lot of things. They think about the journey of life and who they want to let in to see it all. Now that sharing is the real secret. It's the genuine intimacy. It's so much more than sex and lust. It's the little things that are truly intimate. It's looking at someone and feeling safe, being able to share y...

 So I’ve written about this on this blog a little bit. But I feel it’s time to be a little more declarative. I’m bi. As in bisexual. And with what is going on in the world I don’t feel like I can hide it my place of privilege anymore.  See I’m married to one of the smartest, kindest, beautiful women in my world. People see me with this beautiful creature and would assume my living experience is entirely heteronormative. A straight marriage. I have the privilege of four natural born children. I got to have them with the love of my life. Because of that. Assumptions are made.  I had the honor and privilege to serve as a soldier in the army. That alone brings assumptions. Then there are the assumptions that come from the faith I bear.  —— I’ve had the ability to hide. And I don’t feel like I can anymore. There’s a lot happening I don’t feel like getting into on the macro level. But I need to on the micro. —— I’ve slowly came out. I posted in my blog. I’ve told people I’...

 I have to address an elephant in the room. One that I have skirted around confronting directly. And I feel more and more that I need to.  There is not a moral equivalence between being homosexual and being a pedophile or groomer. There is a not a moral equivalence between being bisexual and an adulterer. There just isn't. Now some people maybe surprised that such a declaration has to be made. But I feel I have to. Most of my childhood I heard about how sinful homosexuality was. How deviant it was. How much worse it was than any other sexual sin.  I still here people muse and wonder how anyone could be gay. Then the very next line from those musing is how people who are gay are groomed into. There's an element of predation surrounding it all.  When I'm around such talk in the current era I'm usually silent. Sitting watching people shred others. And I'm ashamed of that. I feel I need to speak up more and more.  See they're talking about me. Yep, me, the bisexual....

 Most people agree with statements like, "all people deserve dignity and respect." I mean it's a fairly universal platitude. It's why people of all creeds and stripes latch on so much to Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech (or at least parts of it). But there's a problem with what dignity and respect mean. There's a divide on how that respect is expressed and represented.  Race, sexuality, gender identity, disability status etc are not equally respected in our nation. We're moving toward legal parity (we're not quite there yet but we're working on it), but the reality is our nation has gulfs we need to correct.  There is disparity of outcomes when it comes to race , there are worse mental health outcomes for marginalized groups , and t hese groups are the majority of recipients of hate crimes . Looking at those scenarios it can be difficult to reconcile wanting everyone to get along with the reality of the scenario.  I wo...

People think about things that effect them first. And the amount of interaction they have with an issue is directly correlated to how much they contemplate it. Because of that I think it's easy for people who are part of the LBTQIA+ community to forget that there are those who never questioned their sexuality or gender identity.  For some of us navigating complex emotional and identity crises is part of existing in a heteronormative culture. We find ourselves analyzing how we fit in society. But it's a unique experience to us.  For the majority of the population that just didn't happen. It doesn't cross their minds. They're straight. They're a man or a woman. They just exist in the world. Unless you experience something different, or care deeply about someone who experiences something different it's just an abstract. It's not something to worry about.  There's something to say about life and thoughts just going on. There is no motivation to do so and...

This one is going to be a little shorter. It's just been something that I've really been stewing over.  I don't want to rile things up too much but I'm really really struggling with something.  Given recent legislation in Florida about what's appropriate to teach children about sexuality I've been thinking and wracking my brain. To those who support that legislation and similar endeavors I have some questions.  What is an acceptable amount of representation? How much of a same sex relationship is okay for children to view and at what age?  I've seen some posts of people discussing various popular media recently, about the danger (at worst) or impropriety (at best) in their eyes of watching depictions of bisexual, gay, and lesbian relationships in media. One of the ones I saw was a breakdown of the recent season of Willow.  It concerns me. Some of the people in my kid's lives that I've appreciated a lot are members of the LGBTQIA+ community. We've...

 So it's been awhile. But one thing has been reverberating in my brain over the last six months. It was a whisper a few years ago. But seeing this chart a few months ago. It changed a lot for me. Especially how I view some people. Understand some people.  The Sex Spectrum This is a chart (and it's corresponding link) demonstrating the sex spectrum. Now for most people when they hear the term sex they think in the binary. Male or female. The problem is it is a bit more complex than that. The chart above demonstrates a spectrum from unambiguously male on the right to unambiguously female on the left with mixed or dual expression in the middle.  There's a lot on this chart to take in from genetic, gonadal, and hormonal standpoints. Something so simple for most people in society. Male or female isn't so easy.   Further research led me to realize that 1.7% of the population has an intersex trait and .5% have a clinically identifiable variation . Now that may not seem...

  We are living in a time when some pastors, some clergy are calling over the pulpit for the death of LGBT+ people or their parents.   Not enough Christians are unequivocally condemning the statements. And that worries me. I worry that too much of the conversation is about the explanation or apologetics of the doctrinal position that we lose sight of the harm being perpetuated by the language. This rhetoric doesn’t even qualify as hate speech. People are running active churches and even some political campaigns on this rhetoric. And the only people who have the right voice and perspective to change it are those who believe in Christ as well. The way we speak to our brothers and sisters who are of the LGBT+ community needs work. I understand the moral misgivings some may have. The challenge to relate. Maybe we’ve reached a point where if we can’t be truly supportive we shouldn’t say anything at all.  The speech used to isolate the sin of Same Sex Attraction from the sinner...

I hope this goes over well. But maybe it doesn't. I just felt I had something to add to what I was writing and mulling over the last few days.  It's a bit blunt.  It's more wholly personal than I thought I would write.  I hate the idea of struggling with Same Sex Attraction. I struggle with mania, depression, anxiety, racing thoughts, ADHD, and a whole host of other mental challenges. Finding women and men attractive is not something I struggle with. It’s just something that’s part of me. An intrinsic aspect of my experience. One that may add turmoil at times, one that causes friction with other aspects of my life and can exacerbate my mental challenges. But it’s not a struggle. I need to be open and honest about that. Especially with how lucky I am. I have a beautiful wife I met shortly after my mission. We have four beautiful children. That renders a lot of the challenges I could face for being who I am moot. But that doesn’t mean I need to address who I am more clearly...

I've rarely felt more compelled to put pen to paper or run my fingers over a keyboard but here we are. Before I really did into the meat of this I have to make something clear. I'm just talking about how I feel. The complexity of it all. I don't make or write any policy of the church I am active in. I can only address my faith, my experience, and all that follows. The gospel of Jesus Christ is available to all. The solace and peace it brings is incredible.  The cost for an individual to feel that in their lives, to readily access the atonement of Christ. It's not the same from person to person. But there are pieces that resonate through us all. Whether that theme is readily available to us all or not. One of the most common themes is the preservation of our family. The bonding and unity. Both nuclear, spiritual, and of humankind in general. It's a theme that drove a lot of who I am.  On my mission that theme became obviously salient to me in the realm of immigration...

 I don't fully understand the Florida "don't say gay" House Bill 1557 . I don't. I keep seeing posts like this on social media and I'm lost.               When I was 5 I wasn't in elementary school but by the time I was in first grade at age 6 I did. The text of the bill bans classroom instruction on sexual orientation, gender identity, sexuality, from grades K-3 and through grade 12 limits it based on development etc. This not a bill about sex ed.  So we shouldn't talk about marital relationships or status in schools? That's weird to me. Because I knew the difference between Miss (Ms.) Missus (Mrs.) and Mizz (Ms.) by first grade. I knew their marital status. I knew that those that were married had a husband. My children have had classmates with two parents of the same gender, and have met family friends in homosexual pairings. It's an unavoidable aspect of life. One that we need not hide from. How this will be discussed intrigues and wo...