Witt's End

Often public service requires actions that require compromise with our values. Actions that are at odds with faith and practice. That can cause long-term emotional stress and cognitive challenges. This can include a lot of things. Shame at perpetration. Guilt at surviving. Anger at being on the sidelines. A loss of trust in oneself. All of the above are signs of moral injury.  Some of you are wondering the hell am I talking about? What's moral injury? Some call it a soul wound, but that doesn't really explain it does it. So I'll turn to a couple definitions to lay the ground work.  First from the VA's National Center for PTSD , " In traumatic or unusually stressful circumstances, people may perpetrate, fail to prevent, or witness events that contradict deeply held moral beliefs and expectations." And a similar definition from Syracuse University's Moral Injury Project , " Moral injury is the damage done to one’s conscience or moral compass  when that...

  Some of my favorite people are now on the opposite side of the political aisle from me. Hell I’d argue we’re on opposite sides of the spectrum itself at this point. But I love them. And I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this time without alienating them (any more than what has already occurred). How do I stand for what I believe in? How do I be a perceived light without burning it all down? I think I found my path through this.  I am striving for things instead of just opposing things. And that mindset shift has been incredible. I didn’t do what I’ve done in my life to feel lost. It’s time to stand for things again. I believe in things. That should be the priority and take my time more than things I don’t believe in.  It's been an enlightening and emboldening. And it’s lead to three or so realizations.  First discussions and debates can only be had with people who are willing to participate in good faith who agree on essential facts. And personally I’m only ...

Make America great again. Make men great again. Catchy phrases. Easy to remember. They work well as slogans and rallying cries.  I understand the desire for nostalgia and aspiration. I do. But I don’t know if this is it: I remember when the make America great again started to get some steam. I asked what time period was America great. I was told repeatedly the 1950s. A time where there was no civil rights amendment. A time of economic prosperity, but women couldn’t open a bank account on their own.  That’s the problem with looking backward. We can get tunnel vision. We can focus on what benefitted us and who we are (or would be) and we miss how others would be affected.  I personally feel that America has always been great due to its potential, people, and perpetual progression. So I struggle with looking backward when we have so much ahead of us.  The same portions of society that truly believe that America needs redemption to a state of greatness also thing that we...

  It’s Easter. I’m seeing so many He is Risen posts. Too many to count. So I thought I’d add my own. Because what does that mean in practice for me? This isn’t a post to slam Easter Egg hunts, or Bunny Rolls, or jelly beans and all of the modern festivities that accompany the holiday. In fact it might be the opposite. No this is me digging deep to see inside of me what does not only Easter but the entire Holy Week mean to me. And what am I going to do about it.  I’m not here to debate the historicity of scripture, or of Christ himself. I have faith that a Savior experienced the things said, and I have faith that it was purposely done for us. I’ve been struck by his actions directly before and directly after he performed the Atonement this week. Really struck. His last acts before the Atonement were to wash the feet of his Apostles and give them the sacrament. To serve them. His last mortal miracle was performed directly after when he healed the ear of the man Peter struck. A m...

I'm scrambling with thoughts overrunning my attempts to type as I try to write it all out. I've been staring at a lot of conversation and criticism that I can't fully understand.  Why does who someone loves or is attracted to matter so much? Why is it so threatening? Who someone decides to be with shouldn't effect others that damn much.  Just thinking about this is getting me oddly emotional. Intimacy is more than romance. And romance is so much more than sex. Therefore intimacy is so much more than sex. And we miss that.  When people talk about the person they want to be in a relationship with they want to be, who they want to be with, they think of a lot of things. They think about the journey of life and who they want to let in to see it all. Now that sharing is the real secret. It's the genuine intimacy. It's so much more than sex and lust. It's the little things that are truly intimate. It's looking at someone and feeling safe, being able to share y...

 I'm not always the person my children need. More often than not it's their mother. But sometimes it's not her either. It's the same as it was for me. There were times I couldn't go to my parents. At times they didn't have the advice I needed, others the friction was too much. Luckily I had people I could trust. There were times when teachers, coaches, clergy were the people I turned to. But there was something more. Friends of parents, parents of friends, extended family all stepped up too. There was a community I could lean on. I want that for my children too. To do that I have to be there for the children in my life that aren't my own. I remember learning to parallel park from a church leader and family friend at a time I needed to have a little space. I remember coming home from dates or activities to a friend on the futon downstairs cause he had a run in with his Dad, and mine was there before I could even get home. I remember having chores at friends h...

 When I look at biblical stories and heroes there’s a few that always spring to my mind. Peter and the Apostles, Nicodemus, Shadrach Meshach and Abednego, and finally Jonathan son of Saul and his friendship with David. They should have been enemies. Yet they chose to be the best of friends. Jonathan was the son of the King of Israel, Saul. Before the anointing of David he was in line for the throne. He was the crown prince. Given everything most would want. Yet even with all of that privilege he set it aside. For a friend. See David wasn't in line for the throne. But he was prophetically chosen and anointed for the role. Saul didn't appreciate it. And it determined the relationship between Saul and David. It began with suicide mission, and ended in war.  Through it all Jonathan and David had a friendship that they made a covenant over. Now that's stood out to me lately. When we think of covenants and the actions and agreements they bind, certain things come to mind. One, ba...

I've been thinking a lot about love. There’s a reason the Greeks have so many words for it. How they specify it. There's a reason that those who studied the classics more than we do looked at the word love differently than we do, and viewed relationships and friendships differently than we do. The more reading and pondering I've done lately the more I've changed how I view the relationships in my life. I'm not going to take the time here to define each of the Greek loves or how they pertain to my life, but I want to talk about how my views have changed.  I used to think I fell in love with my best friend. But it’s so much more than that. She and I are more than that.  I’ve been thinking about the circles we have in our lives. The relationships that are part of them. Closest is my wife. Always will be. We chose, we committed, and she’s my everything. It’s a unique and special relationship that I never want to take for granted. But it's deeper than friendship. It...