Witt's End

I believe in being earnest. More and more with time. I know I still have a sarcasm gene that I need to address, I can't deny that; but I feel a growing compulsion toward sincerity. This need to stand behind what I do, and what I say. To be true to the emotions and feelings I hold. Through it all I think there's a level of humility and integrity that can only come from being earnest. The world needs kindness, hope, and connection. And I truly have come to believe that we need earnestness to accomplish that. We need some sincerity and some seriousness. In everything we do. But especially in how we express ourselves. I try to say what I mean. In speech and by pen. Express it honestly. Always. The sincerity of what I try to write leads to scrupulousness. I’m very serious in my writing. To a fault. And because of that I take things to heart. Maybe too much.I don't know how well that's served me.  I've written in the past about the accusations of being softhearted, of bei...

We as human’s ain’t logical. We just aren’t. And when it comes to picking equipment it becomes even more apparent. You might think cost, ergonomics, and efficiency would be the primary things we evaluate objects on. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes we’re illogical and that’s ok. We can pick objects for their aesthetics, familiarity, historicity, and nostalgia; all with good reason. I know I fall prey to illogical connections all the time.  For me I can see this in a few of the things I gravitate toward.  One, I like Telecasters  the most when it comes to electric guitar. Now that may not mean much to people who aren't gear heads but but a tele is literally a slab of wood with a cut out to reach the upper frets and some routing for pickups and controls. No contouring for ergonomics. It's all flat, with edges. It only has two pickups with a master tone and master volume control. The bridge only has three saddles that limit intonation.  But it's my favorite gui...

  If you’re a bari-bass there’s not a lot of pop, rock, or alt artists to latch onto. So that’s what made hearing The National for the first time a revelation.   There was a few country artists at that time (Josh Turner of course comes to mind), Shaggy, and theCrash Test Dummies. But for a guy emerging from the emo/pop-punk scene into the alt indie (read early hipster) there wasn't a lot to turn to.  I remember walking through a record store right after graduation. It was 2007.  There was an album, black and white photo, bold all caps print in white and yellow. It just caught my eye.  This unassuming purchase has been in my top 10 rotation ever since.  I fell in love. I had no idea what this album was going to be. It just hit me.  This is one of the few albums I still play through from almost start to finish ever time I start it. From the opening organ swell into the piano chords of Fake Empire all the way to slow guitar strum of Gospel I'm hooked ever...

  I’m done apologizing for the things I love and the things I believe in. I’m just done with apologetic discourse.   I say this not from a place of pride but of conviction. There are things I humbly love: and I don’t want to invite shame by feeling the need to defend them. I just want to talk about why they matter to me. There are places for debate. Times for persuasion. But once a week I want to set the challenges down. I want to embrace and celebrate joy if even for a moment. So once a week (every Thursday is the goal)  I’m trying to share some joy.  I hope it shares that. Because. Tell me what you love, what inspires you, and I’ll know fifty times more than you telling me what you hate. Get to know me that much better.

  It’s Easter. I’m seeing so many He is Risen posts. Too many to count. So I thought I’d add my own. Because what does that mean in practice for me? This isn’t a post to slam Easter Egg hunts, or Bunny Rolls, or jelly beans and all of the modern festivities that accompany the holiday. In fact it might be the opposite. No this is me digging deep to see inside of me what does not only Easter but the entire Holy Week mean to me. And what am I going to do about it.  I’m not here to debate the historicity of scripture, or of Christ himself. I have faith that a Savior experienced the things said, and I have faith that it was purposely done for us. I’ve been struck by his actions directly before and directly after he performed the Atonement this week. Really struck. His last acts before the Atonement were to wash the feet of his Apostles and give them the sacrament. To serve them. His last mortal miracle was performed directly after when he healed the ear of the man Peter struck. A m...

The lack of acceptance and often hostility I’ve felt in so many circles is currently growing.  This is a stream of consciousness filled with frustration and pain. Read accordingly. Please.—- Have you ever spent time in a place where people hate an inherent part of you? Repeatedly? I’m not talking a belief you hold. I’m talking about something inherent. Intrinsic to you. Now I’m a privileged white guy, so my experience doesn’t involve around race. And usually doesn’t involve my gender.  Mine involves something you can’t see. Something that  ——— I'm just going to say it. I'm flabbergasted at times by how much so many people fear and/or hate queer people. I'm using the catch all term for a reason. It's not a specific fear or anger. It's diffused. It's more inherent. It's frightening to me.  Different cultural groups are grappling with the history and the present as they work through this period of history.  I'm struggling to give the grace to others on this...

There is something I’ve referenced at times in My writing that I want to address directly tonight. It’s question a lot of people ask themselves. It comes in various forms, am I gay? Am I bi? I think I have the answer to the question. It’s pretty simple. Ready? Here goes. If you never asked if the love you had for a same gendered friend was platonic friendship or infatuated affection you're straight. If you felt butterflies identical to a heterosexual crush or found yourself wondering if a friendly hug could turn into an embrace you’re bi or gay. See it’s pretty simple. I recognize now how confusing it was to think a close friend is attractive and not be able to talk about it. To desire something that seemed so out of reach. Yet was so simple.  I felt that way about boys and girls. Different individuals. There was infatuation greater than a friendship. More often than not unreturned. Regardless of gender. But looking back it was so obvious.  It’s not some mystery. And people eb...

There's a term that doesn't get addressed much in my faith when it comes to identity and a sense of self and being. That term is erasure. Specifically the more tailored and informative term of bi-erasure. Many people who may read this may not be familiar with the term, others may think it's apologetics  I think the problem I've ran into, the struggle I've had is that identity in my faith is most commonly correlated to one's behavior. When it comes to the topic of sexuality this becomes especially prevalent and I'm afraid misses the boat.  I've written before about how I don't see my sexuality as a burden, no I see it as an inherent part of who I am. That idea is ambivalently addressed by my faith. At times that ambivalence or mystery is harmful.  Questions often arise. Questions that I struggle to address. Am I magically saved just because I’m married to my wife? As a married member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints it’s common knowl...

People think about things that effect them first. And the amount of interaction they have with an issue is directly correlated to how much they contemplate it. Because of that I think it's easy for people who are part of the LBTQIA+ community to forget that there are those who never questioned their sexuality or gender identity.  For some of us navigating complex emotional and identity crises is part of existing in a heteronormative culture. We find ourselves analyzing how we fit in society. But it's a unique experience to us.  For the majority of the population that just didn't happen. It doesn't cross their minds. They're straight. They're a man or a woman. They just exist in the world. Unless you experience something different, or care deeply about someone who experiences something different it's just an abstract. It's not something to worry about.  There's something to say about life and thoughts just going on. There is no motivation to do so and...

Today is my anniversary. Wedding anniversary. And I've never missed my old facebook page more. Years and years of photos and memories are gone. So I'm putting these memories in some places more permanent. Where they can matter even more.   See Emma and I have been through a lot. We've shared a lot of photos, a lot of trials. And a lot of laughs. No one makes me laugh more. Makes me more sure of myself than her. From the moment I met her. To Now. I'm in Awe.   No one I know is more compassionate, capable, or motivated than my wife. And I get to call her that.  Four kids (and a crazy cat in the middle) later and I'm amazed at where all we've been. How far we've come. We've survived a military enlistment, multiple moves, multiple job changes, a pandemic, and we're here. Emma racked up a bachelor's degree summa cum laude while managing a house of four kids and working at school with the older two. Now she works in Health Information Management and i...

I have a new goal for my state of being. Loving unabashedly.  I want to spend time doing things I love. Being with people I love. As much as possible. And I want to not apologize for what I love ever again. Love is a noun, verb, and adjective simultaneously. And it's a near universally positive word. I don't think I should feel ashamed about it. So I'm choosing not to be. I spend 40 hours a week at work. I spend 28-50 hours a week sleeping. I want to spend the rest of the time living life the way I want to live it. People, places, things, etc. I'm not apologizing anymore. I love my wife. I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I'm proud of that. And most believe rightfully so. Same with the time I spend with our children. Other family. Friends. Chosen family. I'm spending my time where it matters. When it comes to where I go. It'll be where I want to whenever possible. The trails I love. The river. The lake. The ocean. Cities I've always wante...

I've been thinking a lot about love. There’s a reason the Greeks have so many words for it. How they specify it. There's a reason that those who studied the classics more than we do looked at the word love differently than we do, and viewed relationships and friendships differently than we do. The more reading and pondering I've done lately the more I've changed how I view the relationships in my life. I'm not going to take the time here to define each of the Greek loves or how they pertain to my life, but I want to talk about how my views have changed.  I used to think I fell in love with my best friend. But it’s so much more than that. She and I are more than that.  I’ve been thinking about the circles we have in our lives. The relationships that are part of them. Closest is my wife. Always will be. We chose, we committed, and she’s my everything. It’s a unique and special relationship that I never want to take for granted. But it's deeper than friendship. It...

When we talk about challenges we usually focus on the one facing it. This is especially true of challenges that involve physical or mental challenges and disabilities. We rightfully talk about struggles, progress, and effort. We look at accommodations and aid. In all this I worry that we don't talk about those around them enough.  Spouses, partners, children, siblings, parents, friends. Those who love us who struggle. They pay a pretty price. They truly give so much to help us. To survive at times along us. To keep their own heads above water. I often underestimated the personal sacrifices people around me made.  Change is hard and progress is hard. And it can be even harder not for the person changing but for those most involved in their lives. I know we often talk about how hard it can be to see changes in ourselves but it can be even more difficult for those who care for us to see them. If the daily needs and support haven't yet changed then it can be hard to see any of the...

 Now I've been in a place where I've been doing a lot of reflecting and thinking. This page of digital text is the result of that. It's a stream of consciousness that began and was deleted four times before I decided to really let things rip.  I know that not everyone has the perfect family. Or feels comfortable addressing there's in any fashion. But it's all I could think about lately.  The complexity of parent-child relationships, of sibling relationships can never be understated. Families are complicated. They're tricky. They're almost universally flawed. Yet they're what ground us. They're home. But they change. They're eventually replaced on the scale of importance.  It's interesting how consuming our families are as children. A mother starts as a baby's entire world and it only grows from there. A toddler's world is filled with familiar faces. And at that age we don't realize it. It's strange that I never realized the mo...