Witt's End

I grapple with where I am. I do not understand how so many people have such surety over all of their decisions. Especially when it comes to faith. This isn't meant to be a critique. No this being approached from a place of envy as a doubting Thomas. And that cuts two ways. Doubting what I learn and doubting myself.  I'm of the opinion that we have to analyze all sides. We need to gain as much information as possible, determine what's credible and analyze it. We also need to be humble enough to admit when we can't determine credibility or have the ability to properly evaluate what we're learning. We also have to be open to changing our minds.  This works so well in academic, research, clinical, or scientific environments. It's also a place where I've spent a lot of time and study to develop the skills to do it more effectively.  The problem is that doesn’t work with spirtuality and faith. At least not for me.  I’ve tried the apologetics games. Really really d...

 I’m not one to tell someone when to pray, who to pray to, what to pray for, or why to pray. It’s such a personal spiritual experience. One I’ve been reflecting on more and more. I believe that prayer is deeply meditative experience first and foremost. I used to think it was more communicative than I do now. It’s more deeply reflective for me than it used to be for me.  Prayer is meant to bring our will in alignment with God. That’s what I was taught from a fairly young age. But I spent so much of my time thinking I could sue for aid, implore God to give me the desires I was working so hard for.  But that’s not the way it works for me anymore. I struggle to share gratitude in prayer. I do. I probably always will. But now I struggle to ask for things too. And for both of those things I think it’s okay. I’m speaking a lot less than I used to and listening a lot more. That’s the meditative side of it. Conversations have gotten more raw. More real. I had a church leader I lov...

 I've been thinking a lot about my faith recently and how it interacts with my life. What's central, what isn't, what's evolved, what hasn't. That sort of thing. And it really made me reflect on what my faith is bound on. Two things rose to the top. One was Jesus Christ as a figure divine. The other was the inherent good I see in other people.   So we're going to start with the second first. I think that mankind is inherently good. I just do. I see it every day. I think the majority of suffering inflicted upon is brought on by hardships. Hardships that lead to desperate acts. All while the majority of people attempt to just live their lives. Lives that need redemption and alleviation to suffering.  Lives that I admire and come to goodness to alleviate that suffering and find redemption in various ways. Ways that continue to amaze me.  I could talk about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, Viktor Frankl's Logotherapy, or Carl Jung Archetypes to show how this fai...

 So it's been awhile. But one thing has been reverberating in my brain over the last six months. It was a whisper a few years ago. But seeing this chart a few months ago. It changed a lot for me. Especially how I view some people. Understand some people.  The Sex Spectrum This is a chart (and it's corresponding link) demonstrating the sex spectrum. Now for most people when they hear the term sex they think in the binary. Male or female. The problem is it is a bit more complex than that. The chart above demonstrates a spectrum from unambiguously male on the right to unambiguously female on the left with mixed or dual expression in the middle.  There's a lot on this chart to take in from genetic, gonadal, and hormonal standpoints. Something so simple for most people in society. Male or female isn't so easy.   Further research led me to realize that 1.7% of the population has an intersex trait and .5% have a clinically identifiable variation . Now that may not seem...

 If abuse can be prevented and isn't, that's a tragedy. Period. I worry that is what has been lost in some of the conversation surrounding clerical privilege, reporting, hotlines, abuse, and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Now I'm not writing here to go into details of this specific issue. I'm not here to look around at other similar situations like Spotlight, Camp Kanakuk or others. I'm not here to talk about the military abuse. No I'm here to talk about something different. The various responses to abuse and trauma. And how it's been lost. There are two main reactions I keep seeing two main reactions to this. One that the church did nothing wrong and just followed their legal obligations and this set of revelations is an attack against it. Or the opposite response, that the church is only about self preservation of the institution, all else be damned. Both are not talking about victims of abuse. And how to help them.  See when someone exp...

 I struggle with the idea of calling out sins in others. It usually just makes me feel like a hypocrite.  See I take the idea of taking the beam out of my eye before working on the mote in your brother's eye very seriously. I can't build people up or take them to where I am very effectively without being really really honest about where I am and where I've been. Part of that may be some of the peer support training I have. The idea that being in recovery, having that experience can allow us the ability to be an example to others. Be a coach, a help, and at times a mentor. But it has to be based in experience.  There's a reason most substance abuse programs want counselors who have the experience of addiction themselves. There are aspects of the process of recovery that are hard to explain if you haven’t faced the fire and hardship. There’s an authenticity missing. I think similar principles can apply to the gospel.  Now really important caveat here. One needs not pur...

 How are we ever going to be able to unite on solving problems if we can’t agree on sources to use? Several times in the past few years I’ve been asked to share my opinion on topics I’ve researched. This has ranged from healthcare, to mental health prevalence, to racial disparity, and now COVID. I’m willing to put in the time and read a lot of source material to form an opinion. I don’t really go with my gut. I chase information and roll it over and over until I have a new opinion. Because I’ve put in that effort I’m often asked about my opinion, often by people who haven’t taken the same amount of time. I try to preface any discussion of this nature by disclosing it’s my interpretation of data I’ve studied, and this is my conclusion. I’ve discovered a troubling trend when I’ve done this. If the conclusion doesn’t fit the questioner’s paradigm, then all of the data used to form the conclusion becomes suspect. That we can’t trust the collectors of data, or there are ulterior motives...

I hate not breathing. I really really do. It's one of the worst feelings that there is. Your body tells you, informs you how vital the function that's missing is. I've had a few different times in my life  I hate wildfire season. Living in a valley prone to inversions has been interesting. It's resulted in that difficulty breathing more than once. This year is starting to shape up dangerously. The debate surrounding these fires seems to be that it's either a result of global climate change or poor forestry practices. After this year's record heat wave I would proffer that two things can be true at once. And I would also proffer that they can exacerbate each other. This not an easy dichotomy. This is a problem with multiple variables that we need to take into account.  The truth is that the earth does appear to be warming. The truth is that we don’t deal with underbrush and forest management like we used to. The truth is that because both of these are true, it’s ...