Victims have trauma.

 If abuse can be prevented and isn't, that's a tragedy. Period.

I worry that is what has been lost in some of the conversation surrounding clerical privilege, reporting, hotlines, abuse, and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

Now I'm not writing here to go into details of this specific issue. I'm not here to look around at other similar situations like Spotlight, Camp Kanakuk or others. I'm not here to talk about the military abuse. No I'm here to talk about something different. The various responses to abuse and trauma. And how it's been lost.

There are two main reactions I keep seeing two main reactions to this. One that the church did nothing wrong and just followed their legal obligations and this set of revelations is an attack against it. Or the opposite response, that the church is only about self preservation of the institution, all else be damned. Both are not talking about victims of abuse. And how to help them. 

See when someone experiences abuse they're not all going to have equal experiences or needs. They will experience and face trauma very differently. Some will withdraw, some will confide, some will cope with means that may illicit judgement. That's some of the variety of the human experience. 

We can't dictate what victims would need or desire to heal. I see a lot of people dictating how victims of abuse should react to this situation. Whether it's not supporting the church anymore, or leaning into it completely. We are losing the nuance and blinding ourselves to the reality of the situation. 

Here's the truth. When it comes to current and previous victims of abuse, this scenario as revealed with have some of these effects.

Some will leave the church. Some will no longer feel safe, protected and heard. They will feel and see hypocrisy and potentially malice. And they will leave. They will seek solace, spirituality etc elsewhere.

Some will bind greater to the church. The gospel. This is a natural thing. We can't deny spiritual experiences that lead people to bind greater to organizations that bring them peace and solace. 

Some will land somewhere in the middle. I’ll be completely transparent here and say that this is where I find myself. Needing the gospel, trusting the gospel, and struggling with the execution of the church on these issues. Lacking trust and confidence. Finding a growing anxiety at the incongruence. 

We need to be focused more on how to aid all reactions and all involved, all effected. We need to be able to accept that many reactions will be different than ours and also just as valid. If we can do that we can change the focus of these discussions. We can make a place where there is a focus on healing,  and a focus on recovery that needs to be made paramount. If we can do that we can have more empathy. 

And if we’re going to heal. In our own ways. We have to stop the harm. We have to be honest at the sources of this trauma. Whether inadvertent or intentional. One thing we can do to help all victims is make sure they know nothing is more important than stopping this from happening again. And work as communities to make that true.

At least that’s what I hope happens from this.