Witt's End

I worry that we are sometimes too obsessed with being holy. So focused we lose sight of what's happening day to day, and who's around in the here and now.  I know I have fallen into the trap of seeking extreme spiritual edification and enlightenment all the time. And at times I found it. Or I thought I did. At least a set of actions that told me I felt holy. Actions that became more and more performative. So it led not to being but to appearing holy all the time. And all too often appearing or attempting to appear holier than thou. It was fake. And I wasn't feeling awe. I was going through a set of motions. And I worry when we make the pursuit of holiness and worship a checklist instead of an authentic lived experience. The insincerity is especially visible in our interactions with others. And we can't hide it.  What exactly am I talking about? And what do we do about it? --- I'm writing this a week removed from Easter, Holy week. I think that should tell you where ...

 I had a thought in sacrament meeting today. It's been a long time since I felt a sense of awe or wonder at church. I can think of multiple times I've been awed by the beauty and wonder of the natural world around me. The time I felt stirred by a piece of music or a work of art. Felt grace at the hands of another's care and service. But I haven't felt that at church. And I'd be lying if at times it hasn't made me wonder if I'm broken.  I see the emotion in talks, hear the people that are moved. It just isn't resonating with me the same way anymore. I want to connect with the people. I want my children to have a spiritual foundation. I want to have a place where I can discuss doctrine and scripture. And in our current ward we have, I have some of that.  Yet. I just don't feel the wonder. I don't feel moved. Here. But I'd like too. I think my calibration for what is emotional and what is spiritual may be part of it. It's different than I us...

I have to write on the current state of War. I feel a compulsion. It is my realization that I just have to be measured. So I will attempt to.  It is not my intention to here debate the political decisions behind the current conflict with Iran. I am also not here to debate the tactical decision making. There's a simple answer why, I'm still gathering information. I have to do that to develop my own opinion. This is a very dynamic scenario unfolding before our eyes. None of us have the whole picture yet. I hope I am taking the time to deliberate on something smaller in scope, and personally highly impactful in this scenario. Something closer to home. I'm looking at motivations and justifications, and a single one at that. There is something dangerous about the conflation of government actions with divine sanction. This becomes especially fraught when we conflate a military action with a scriptural mandate. When we combine faith with the state in a way to almost turn it into a...

When possible sacred writings should be treated with respect. I hate to add this part but it should be regardless of if you share the view of their sacredness or not.  That doesn't mean that scripture needs to be placed on a pedestal. That's dependent on tradition. But it should be used appropriately. I've been hard on scriptures. Physical copies of them. I've carried them in uniform pockets in field. I've read and worn copies to the point the pages fall out or the covers separate. That's what happens when you use things. I would argue properly.  What's horrible is purposeful damage or debasement of someone else's holy text. When I was a missionary someone burned a copy of the Quran on the campus where I was serving. Earlier this week a Quran was struck with a slab of bacon and an attempt to burn it was made. What's most concerning is that Christianity was invoked by apologists in this instances.  How can we let this stand? As a member of the Mormon ...

 What has become Christian theology has always been debated. It was hashed out and formed over years of treatise writing and attempts at rhetorical persuasion that led to the creeds and interpretations we have today.  To think there is one simple all encompassing and easily understood theology that answers all problems and questions is the height of hubris. We lean into interpretation and understanding informed by our experiences and overall understanding. Early theologians and church fathers are amazing examples of this. We have regional variances. We have philosophical differences (Plato, the stoics, and the cynics were all often competing influences). And we have strongly various represented priorities. How did the ancient church handle this? Debates. Then a vote. Then a declaration of what was doctrine and what was heresy. It still happens today.  And it's not new. The debates over what we call Christian or not wouldn't surprise the early church fathers, the wouldn't ...

This is my feeble (if long-winded) attempt at bridge building and understanding. I started this piece weeks ago. I shelved it after the Charlie Kirk assassination. I picked it back up after President Nelson passed and then had a night where I could stop writing here and elsewhere following the shooting and arson of the chapel in Grand Blanc. I'd be lying if this was easy to commit to paper. But I have to. Rarely have I felt this level of compulsion to write. To share what I have to say.  Let me try. Here's a start. My faith is not what it once was. Surety has been replaced by hope. Which probably isn't a bad thing. The focus is more on fundamentals of belief and the actions they bring.  I have absolutely struggled with the theology, doctrines, practices, policies, and culture surrounding the faith of my youth. I'm open and honest about that. But I worry that's not always returned. The honest assessment that we all struggle with the teachings and guidance of such a l...

Too often us humans tell ourselves that religious participation will solve all of our problems. That all of the resources we need are in one place. But are they? Is church truly the place that fix all of our temporal and physical needs as well as the spiritual? Does it have the resources required to do so. I'm not sure.  This may be the ultimate expression of "I need prayer and my medication" I've ever written. Because I am seeing more and more how different aspects of my life need different helps and attention.  There was a time where I tied my mental health to my spirituality. But that has changed. Mostly through experience. Now I view them separately but impacted by each other. Both because I've needed to address my mental health. And because I channeled it into a career.  I love my current role in my career. I'm passionate about it. Being able to help people on recovery is a massive aid to my own recovery. I love being able to have access to literature and...

God or prophet tells  people to do a thing. People do not do thing. God or prophet calls people to repentance. It's a common pattern throughout the Christian spiritual canons. It's a common refrain and story.  But that isn't all of it. There's plenty of other stuff in there too.  Not an insignificant portion of the canon of scripture I grew up with is also telling prophets to not do dumb sh** or fix the dumb sh** they did. Them specifically. Not the people. It's in the Old Testament with Jonah, countless times with the apostles in The New Testament, and throughout the Book of Mormon, and even major sections of the Doctrine & Covenants.  I bring this up for a reason. One of the foundations of my faith was the fact that change is always possible. That it's hopefully inevitable. Part of that faith was focused by the belief that the heavens weren't closed. That there was always communication. And it goes through prophets, right? When we look at that propheti...

Recovery. Progress. These are two terms I talk about all the time. The path that happens when we choose to address something. It's the next phase of the journey. And it can lead to healing. Currently it's the entire focus on what I do. Just supporting people in their recovery.  But I can't be a hypocrite. I have to put in the work for myself. Maintaining that recovery for myself and the progress I've made. It's been quite the journey. And every time I think about a potential destination the goal posts move. What I expect of myself changes. I think that's a healthy place to be. It's taken a lot of work. It will continue to take work. There's no end. Just a new way of living.  It's causing me to reflect on the faith that helped get me here. Faith, works, grace. The whole lot of it.  My entire life there has been quite the focus on the Atonement of Jesus Christ and it's role in our lives for redemption and salvation. It's an essential piece of h...

 Dear God, What are we going to do? I fret. I worry. I toss and turn. I can't lose the sleep that I'm not having. It's a forgone conclusion.  So I'm just talking. Without thinking. Letting these thoughts race.  There are too many suffering. Too many worrying. So much more than me. I have been given much alongside my trials, my tribulations, my sorrows. I can't ever lose sight of that. But tonight. These days. I struggle to go to work without shaking. I struggle to concentrate. And I don't think I'm alone.  I may be considered a snowflake for this. A bleeding heart. That's just who I am. I care.  I know these prayers are usually private. That's the way I was raised. And in my streams of consciousness that's usually how it goes. But right not my heart is breaking. And words on a page makes the most sense to me. Is cathartic. Necessary for me. What can I do? Other than shouting in the void. Other than the limited work I keep doing day after day.  It...

Staring at the stars on a clear night. Staring into the ocean. A flight across the country. Going to a funeral. That feeling of your insignificance. All of those lead to introspection. It begs the questions of where we fit. And I find myself asking over and over. How much does God directly intervene in our lives?  That's a question that's taken a lot of my spiritual space lately. And it's led to a follow up, does it matter? I think how I've changed my prayers . And I think that answers the question but I'm not sure. For a long part of my life, especially as a child I believed that God would directly intervene in our prayers. That he could rescue me from various situations.  I don’t know I can prayer for that anymore. That I can ask for a metaphysical intervention. That there’s a purpose for that. For me or for anyone. It’s made me wonder more and more about the entire ideas of preordination and predestination. Whether they effect the interventions that can occur for...

I’m moving through an evolution of my faith with more hope and less certainty. That may sound disconcerting to some but it is a state of mind that leaves me with so much more peace.  The idea of a Savior able to know what I experience has been the most sustaining aspects of my life. But it's been harder to experience lately. And I need to be honest about that. But I also have been reflecting more and more about what that means to me.  I  believe in Christ. I have faith in his atonement. But I don’t know how it works. And that’s ok.   I’ve been reflecting on this. The Atonement is so much more than just pulling weeds. It’s about planting and growing flowers.  So much of my life I viewed Christ as primarily the savior and intercessor between me and God. Between my sinful fallen state and my exaltation. It was entirely about the necessity to overcome the inevitable sin of my fallen nature. That was the primary thrust. In some ways the only purpose. I'll never try t...

I love that the Bible isn’t perfect. And I love that I can’t read the Bible literally. I can’t view it as a history book. It’s literary not literal to me. I don’t think that I’m off on that.  In the Bible Christ himself uses many diverse literary devices to teach. One of his primary methods of gospel teaching is parables. They are inherently just a literary device with layers of meaning. But Christ didn’t start it. If we turn to the Hebrew Bible and the Old Testament we see a variety of literary styles and devices used by various prophets and writers.  And I love that. I know some people need the Bible to be absolutely true and literal and inerrant for their faith. I get that. I do. And so what I’m about to launch into isn’t to confront them. But to talk about why my faith is improved by the inconsistencies of our canonical scripture. First. I love imperfection in my art. It just reminds me of our humanity. It’s why I love jazz to classical. Street art and Impressionism to bar...