Being where they hate you…

The lack of acceptance and often hostility I’ve felt in so many circles is currently growing. 

This is a stream of consciousness filled with frustration and pain. Read accordingly. Please.—-

Have you ever spent time in a place where people hate an inherent part of you? Repeatedly?

I’m not talking a belief you hold. I’m talking about something inherent. Intrinsic to you.

Now I’m a privileged white guy, so my experience doesn’t involve around race. And usually doesn’t involve my gender. 

Mine involves something you can’t see. Something that 

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I'm just going to say it. I'm flabbergasted at times by how much so many people fear and/or hate queer people. I'm using the catch all term for a reason. It's not a specific fear or anger. It's diffused. It's more inherent. It's frightening to me. 

Different cultural groups are grappling with the history and the present as they work through this period of history. 

I'm struggling to give the grace to others on this one. I have to be honest about that. Both to myself and to others. I struggle to see the bigotry as anything other than malice. I strive to try put people in the best possible light. To view people as well intentioned. I'm really struggling at this point in time with that.

What's the well intentions when it comes to bigotry and homophobia. There is a visceral revulsion that have I watched repeatedly come across people's faces when they talk about anything queer. And that any support is not only misguided but flat out dangerous. 

I've spent the last few weeks listening once again in such shock that I felt like I couldn't speak up. There was surety to the discussion that made me just shut down. And now I'm ashamed of that. So I'm finding a way to take some of the power back. To say what I felt I couldn't then. 

Various denominations and congregations are struggling with how to deal with this. Hell I do with my own faith and spirituality. That in and of itself isn’t entirely a problem. It’s a challenge to overcome years, decades, centuries of thinking and prejudice. I can deal with that easier than what happened this week, twice.

Twice I found myself on the periphery of adults blaming everything on queer people. Just for existing. Just for living. With an extreme vitriol.  

The idea that our economy is struggling because of woke, or COVID, occurring, or that we should emulate nations with outright hostility to queer people is astounding.

The idea that all a class of people do is harm and wish harm is insane to me. 

The default setting for most people is kindness unless threatened. And I’m just struggling to understand what the threat is. 

The actual experience of most queer people is not one of waking with a diabolical plan to have as many youth and people of the world as possible to be like them. 

No it’s waking up to news that a state is allowing public officials opt out of performing civil marriages. It’s hearing how your essence. Your being is abominable, gross, divergent. It’s knowing that there are states that would still discriminate against you working for existing. 

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This is something that’s been spinning around in my head for awhile. 

I know I can’t be open about my childhood. My teenage years. Who I am. With so many people in my life.

The truth is there are people who equate my experience as sin at best and equivalent to abuse at worst. And that’s difficult to live with.

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I just hope we’re not far from it being better. But I don’t know right now.