Community and Mentors
I'm not always the person my children need. More often than not it's their mother. But sometimes it's not her either. It's the same as it was for me. There were times I couldn't go to my parents. At times they didn't have the advice I needed, others the friction was too much. Luckily I had people I could trust.
There were times when teachers, coaches, clergy were the people I turned to. But there was something more. Friends of parents, parents of friends, extended family all stepped up too. There was a community I could lean on. I want that for my children too. To do that I have to be there for the children in my life that aren't my own.
I remember learning to parallel park from a church leader and family friend at a time I needed to have a little space. I remember coming home from dates or activities to a friend on the futon downstairs cause he had a run in with his Dad, and mine was there before I could even get home. I remember having chores at friends houses, expectations. There were friends who had hoodies or blankets that were "theirs's" at my house. It was community.
We've all heard the adage that it takes a village. The sentiment used to be literal. Pooling resources to raise children. Grandmothers, older siblings, designated caretakers. The world has moved on past that. But the need for a community to share the load is as necessary as ever. The need to pool resources is currently growing. The need for belonging is even stronger.
Humans are tribal. There is a visceral need to belong. It's a powerful force. It's why we need to be cultivating communities for our children.
We live in a time where there is less available time due to workloads. Workers today spent more time at work than medieval peasants. In homes with two parents both are usually working now, let alone the number of single parents. Pooling resources is more important than ever before. Finding ways to bypass professional childcare and have children watched by those who care about them.
We know that children will face hard times. We know that children will need and want guidance and help from those who are not members of their family. Let's build that.
Let's invite people into our lives and our children's lives that builds them up. Let's invite people into our lives who build us up. Let's be the people in other's lives that builds them and their children up.
Find tribes. Find communities. And be there. It's worth it.
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