Struggle between doctrine and some families

I've rarely felt more compelled to put pen to paper or run my fingers over a keyboard but here we are.

Before I really did into the meat of this I have to make something clear. I'm just talking about how I feel. The complexity of it all. I don't make or write any policy of the church I am active in. I can only address my faith, my experience, and all that follows.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is available to all. The solace and peace it brings is incredible. 

The cost for an individual to feel that in their lives, to readily access the atonement of Christ. It's not the same from person to person. But there are pieces that resonate through us all. Whether that theme is readily available to us all or not.

One of the most common themes is the preservation of our family. The bonding and unity. Both nuclear, spiritual, and of humankind in general. It's a theme that drove a lot of who I am. 

On my mission that theme became obviously salient to me in the realm of immigration. Having been raised in a conservative community amongst conservative peers (especially in church) there was a time in my life where I viewed all illegal immigrants as a danger to society. Something didn't sit right but it's where my mind was at. Then I was a young missionary in Arizona. Then I was teaching them. A lot. Then we got clarification after criticism for those actions. We teach everyone, and when it came to a preference on policy we didn't split up families and looked for a solution to keep them here and keep them whole. It changed everything. It opened up an evolution in my thinking. One on immigration we don't need to continue here.

Policies that truly support families, that's been my new guidepost ever since. But something has been wrenching in me since that time. We were losing, missing a large portion of families. 

The policies of the Church in regards to LBGT+ members and families create tension with the Church's support of families. 

Doctrinally a family is Father and Mother and children, bonded from generation to generation. The law of chastity defines being chaste as maintaining sexual bonds between a legally and lawfully wedded man and wife.

This creates an impossibility to being an active member of the Church and part of the LGBT+ community. It means belonging to an organization that asks for a life of celibacy of most that fit that description, some will be lucky to be married as a bi person or in another heterosexual marriage. That's a tough ask. Choosing to participate in those bounds will also remove you from support in the LGBT+ community. 

Now I once again want to reiterate that I love the church, I love the gospel even more. As a questioning doubter that means a lot. But I have to recognize how this issue troubles me. But to do so I have to talk both about where we were and the progress to where we are now.

Now and when I was a kid anything regarding anything other than heterosexuality was/is referred to as Same Sex Attraction (SSA). Several of my peers and their families were quite homophobic. The discussion on the issue was not enlightened and was very hostile. The official position of the church was one of suppression of feelings and thoughts. That was it.

Since then there has been massive progress. And I mean it as progress. Civil rights regarding members of the LGBT+ community is a real and salient issue. The church has been focused on supporting legislation that protects civil rights, both for the LGBT+ community and for religious organizations. They are focused on fighting for a true middle ground. 

During the last decade the church has also changed some of the language and tone have changed. The doctrine hasn't. The line involving chastity is the same. But being able to openly identify as gay, lesbian, bi has changed. The clarity that thoughts or even attraction is not the sin and only violations of the law of chastity is. 

So much has changed. The official church's stance and clarity has helped ease that along. As much as modern culture. I would proffer many people are less homophobic. More understanding. 

That doesn't make the experience for many people easy.

There is still the fact that much of the LGBT+ community will not understand your decision. The reticence in the community is very real. There are still barriers to housing, employment and other civil rights fights in various states. The church is an organization that opposed gay marriage, and for a time withheld ordinances from the children of LGBT+ parents. It's created friction. And understandably so. 

This is why, this struggle, is real. The idea of being caught in between aspects of your identity, your inborn experience. The trials that are to be faced. The questions you ask yourself, you ask god, and you ask those around you.

As my testimony of Christ, his love, his Atonement, and its effect on my life has grown; my questions around this issue has only increased. The effects on families I know is too real. The way it's impacted those around me. I have friends who are gay, lesbian, bi, trans who have stayed in the church and those who have left. I have those in the closet and those out. And I know plenty of people who are supportive (allies) who have stayed and left. I don't see that dynamic changing anytime soon.

Sadly it's less about the challenges of doctrine and official church policy. Though that is hard enough. It's the culture of the church not keeping up yet. It's political factions that still rile us. It's the fact that ward to ward, family to family, the open arms are not consistent. But I'm hopeful enough to add yet.

I don't know where this ends, where it goes. I know that it troubles me. I know I'm not alone in that. 

I just hope that we can look at this issue with compassion. And with the majority of compassion not reserved for those on the sidelines but for those who find they are the one with the actual trial. Those who find themselves praying for understanding of why they are who they actually are. The people who hide who they are. The people who feel on the outside. The people who are seeing changes now that they wish existed when they were younger. Those who struggle to find people to confide in, to share their struggle with. They are those who need the most compassion.

That's the only way I see us moving forward. Because, this is a hard subject, with hard requests of some people. But not of all people, and I can't wrap my mind around it yet.

But I hope that maybe I can. I know it's better than when I was a youth. I know there were always be struggles and questions about this issue. It's only my hope that more people connected to this keep asking more and more questions. Even if we don't have all the answers; yet.