Cognitive Deficits

The hand was easier to notice. I assumed it came first. Were the thoughts really that far behind. Or did they even come first. Sometimes changes to our cognition are just harder to notice. 

A tremor. Weakness. Pain. Dropping things. Hand writing worsening. Those are all glaring spotlights, right?

Let's contrast that. 

A mild change in memory. Being stuck on a name. Taking longer to recall or recognize something or someone. That can be so much harder to notice. 

Thoughts are fickle things. They often change. They rarely truly persist as a constant. There's too many variables. Cognitive and behavioral changes are difficult to quantify, especially deficits. I personally think it's especially so for a few reasons. 

First. In life we change our minds. Simple enough. We have new experiences. We learn new information. Our thought patterns and hopefully our behavior changes accordingly. That's just part of the human experience. 

Which leads to the second point. We just aren't often as self aware as we really think we are. We run through life without the time to make a full self assessment. To do a deep dive on how things are working and functioning under the hood of our mind. 

Partially due to our last point, if we aren't good at something we often write it off. We let it decay or lapse behind us. 

Given all of that when we lose a step in our actual cognitive ability and output we don't always recognize it. 

But we need to. There will be a point where the years take their toll. But cognitive deficits happen that are disconnected to age. And they can have devastating effects. 

How do we know? Personally, how do we tell when we've lost a step. 

For some people there is an event. Strokes, trauma, loss of consciousness, and other outside influences like substance abuse can damage us. Often in lasting ways. We can see medical treatment, have assessments and know. 

But it's not always easy.

The changes are not just in belief. Or raw speed. They can change how we think, how we process information, and how we act. 

Others usually can see these changes first. And we'll often push back against their assessments. 

It sucks. 

I'm writing this from personal experience. A few TBIs (traumatic brain injuries) have stacked up over a couple decades. To the point that over the past year and a half I had to reach out for some help. 

I've written about health issues but this is different. Somehow. 

I had people close to me show me how much I'd struggled. And I had to take an honest look at myself. 

I found myself doing some assessments in the office of a speech therapist. And then doing some exercises. Then making some routines in a notebook.

Fast forward to now and I am better than I was at my worst. Part of that is due to better sleep. Part of it awareness and acceptance. And a healthy portion of it is to routines and processes. 

I live trust but verify situation with my brain. One that requires more time for tasks. And real rest.

I find myself writing lists for the day and week on my phone and in a notebook. I have sleep hygiene routines now. I set aside breaks during work. I eliminate distractions more. 

I'm not perfect at it. I got a lot of work to do still. Cause I have goals. But it won't be as easy as it used to be.

That often makes it more worth it.

If you wonder if things are ok with your brain. Get help. It's not worth it to stay silent. How you function matters. It can also be a sign of other struggles.

Take care of it all. 

And if you're struggling. Know you're not alone. You're in good company. Just keep doing, keep going, and life is worth living.