We only think it happens to us

I remember telling someone that Islamophobia was a real problem, and they told me no way. I pulled up the FBI statistics, the local attacks on a mosque and the Sikh Temple. But no those were isolated incidents to the person I was talking too. They didn't see the trend. They didn't have any personal knowledge of it. So how could it be a problem.

I've lost track of how many times I've had the same discussion about racial relations in America. Bringing up both statistically disparities and personal experiences of myself and those I know. Only to be told, that's not so bad, or nothing can be done. Or it's isolated.

I think that's what's so hard about having discussions that involve disadvantaged groups in America. Unless we know someone who is experiencing a hardship worse than us we have no sympathy or empathy as a whole.

 As humans we are often very shortsighted. Due to our selfish nature we find ourselves in places where we can't recognize that someone else may have it harder, may have it worse. And we turn our misery into a strange form of a pissing contest. 

In the examples listed above, I asked the first if they had a Muslim friend, others if they have black friends. Each time the answer was no. When asked if they'd asked someone of those cultures about their individual experiences the answer was the same.

I think that's key. Intercultural personal relationships are the only way to develop the understanding and true connection needed to overcome injustice. I'll stand by this idea and die on this hill.

When a lot of white people hear about white privilege they scoff at it. Especially if their poor. And especially if they live in a community with limited diversity. If someone is the bottom of the totem pole in a community it's hard to imagine someone having a harder time than you, or even has different problems than you. Especially when you are truly facing poverty or other difficulties. If you're truly struggling in your community. It can be hard to sympathize or empathize with other struggles. 

Demographically we're also very much segregated. Part of is it is historical targeted segregation of communities. Part of it is that cultures often support and attract other members. Regardless the outcome is an isolated society.

The media doesn't help. We get to choose media that matches our world viewpoint. Exacerbates it. And the algorithms on media platforms direct us to more we want to hear. It means we don't hear or see news that effects communities outside of our own, or groups that don't share our interest. That's a problem.

Combine the isolation above with education that's targeted for the demographic it's serving. I saw a post today that asked if we studied Polynesian , Asian , African , indigenous cultures and history at the same intensity of our Western and European studies. The answer for me was no. And even within a USA and western civilization context a lot of it was sanitized. Slavery was whitewashed to a point, massive gaps existed about government sanctioned discrimination was never discussed. That ignorance of what minorities went through in the US, and the ignorance about the positive aspects of their culture has harmed how I view others. I can't see how it hasn't effected other people the same way.

Personally the isolation, the intensity of focus, and the targeted education can lead to resentment of disadvantaged people. I've heard people truly upset over people receiving food-stamps, disparaging women as the token hiring, diversity or minority college admissions. Focusing on the thing meant to level the playing field with absolute hatred. I'm not saying affirmative action is without fault or even the proper tactic. But in all honesty one question comes to mind with all of the resentment. Would you trade places with them? And a follow up also occurs, do you know their story?

Now I can't look at these problems and ignore a religious lens. My take through my study and faith may not be the same as others. But I think it's an applicable solution I hit on earlier. One that was reaffirmed by General Conference two weeks ago. 

We need to get to know people. We can't love people and apply charity like Christ wants us to unless we get to know them. We are not aware of the trials people face without interaction.

Elder Dallin H Oaks stated in the Saturday morning session of general conference, "When we are trying to understand and relate to people of a different culture, we should try getting to know them. In countless circumstances, strangers’ suspicion or even hostility give way to friendship or even love when personal contacts produce understanding and mutual respect."

The moment we step outside our own experience, the moment we listen to someone from a background we've never corresponded with, the moment we meet someone who's background is different than us it changes. It can be immediate.

I've changed since I was a teen. I'm more aware of how I used to think. I'm more aware of the stereotypes I've held. I've also become acutely aware of privileges I have. And I realized how different, and often more difficult other peoples' lives are. The challenges they face. The two times that this was easiest to achieve was as a missionary, and as a soldier in the military. Being placed and living with people you seemingly have nothing in common with forces you to grow. Combine that with the public interactions that come with serving in a uniform, you have the perfect opportunity to expand your horizons.

Theresa Dear wrote, "We need to build relationships with people unlike us. We need to build bridges where there are gaps. We need to build trust with those we have offended."

I truly can see those bridges in my life now. And it has broadened my understanding. When I hear about a mosque fire or vandalism, there are old classmates and fellow soldiers that come to mind. When I hear about a black man detained or harmed, I automatically picture some of my closest friends. Those relationships have changed how I view things.

I think that love and compassion grow more easily in familiarity. Thankfully I've had that opportunity. I wish others would have the same. To quote Joseph Smith, "that “it is a time-honored adage that love begets love. Let us pour forth love—show forth our kindness unto all mankind.” I truly think I've made headway on that. But it didn't happen before I put the time in on relationships with those I'd never met before. 

I just have hope today. With this long winding post, I want to say. If I could change. If I could change my thinking, anyone can. I also have hope that love will win out over conflict. That humanity's capacity to care for their fellow man will eventually bring us together. It just will take time. But the more effort we apply the less time it will take.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/17oaks?lang=eng

https://www.deseret.com/opinion/2020/6/6/21281846/racism-naacp-black-lives-matter-america-theresa-dear