Witt's End

I've been thinking a bit about the news that came out about the Church and investments that came out in the past couple days. I don't have a definitive idea of where I stand but I have some disparate thoughts that I wonder if others are feeling. And this is my unfiltered view on the subject. They are not reflective of the church itself, or anyone else. I just wanted to own this and make that clear. One, to me and in my belief, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the most true church. That's all. It's the best and most direct link to salvation, but it's still a church, it's still administered by men, and we don't always get things right. That's nothing shocking personally. Especially when we compare it to the biblical record, Adam was rebuked, Moses, Saul, David, Jonah, the twelve Apostles at large, Peter alone, Isaiah, Jeremiah, and several others. Prophets needed correction, the Lord's called and  anointed. If we truly believe in...

There is something about the quiet of fresh snow. The literal dampening effect that those thousands, millions, crystals of frozen water has is beyond compare. A dark night, no traffic, with some fresh snow, it's one of my favorite settings. I've always enjoyed the night. Felt more alive, more connected, more me. Winter seems to make it more so. Summer nights are just a continuation of what came before, never-ending. A night in winter, it's emphatic, it's an ending, a definitive punctuation.  Looking out the window at the current snow fall, it's made the night go faster. It's beautiful. Yet it still leaves the right touch of the melancholic.  It's time like these in the middle of December where I find myself running one of my two favorite Christmas songs in my head. That gem from Meet Me in St.Louis, with the line I love,  "Someday soon we all will be together If the fates allow Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow So have yourself a merry...

I’ve lost track of how many people have called me Doc. It’s not a small number. And it’s still growing.  Working at the VA is an interesting thing. It’s kept me connected to the military community. But that is a double edged sword at times. The memories stay fresh. I loved my time in the army. I especially loved being a medic. It was something that came with a responsibility I haven’t had since. That responsibility came with the aforementioned title, “Doc”. Some soldiers give it freely to match the title, others make you earn it. But they all expect the best out of you. That best includes a decent bag of tricks.  Being able to keep someone breathing, and stop their bleeding is the basic responsibility of a medic in a field unit. IVs, IOs, tourniquets, pressure bandages, crics, occlusive dressings,  needle decompression, pain management, and more. It’s a lot of skills. It’s a dynamic set augmented by rotations in clinics, and other training and classes. It’s a sk...

Don't wait to get to fully suicidal to call a hotline, to reach out to a friend, to attempt to get help. Please. I know this is something I dwell on a lot. It's something I've written about a few times and will continue to write about. Continue to talk about. For a few reasons. One, male suicide, veteran suicide are going to continue to rise. That isn't changing. The second reason is a two parter, one I know so many people dealing with these same issues, and one person told me to keep working on it. I see people struggling. I hear their stories. I see them. I don't know if that resonates with everyone. I want to make a difference. I have limited time and resources. So maybe this is something I can do to make a difference. I see people I know struggling. Daily. Truly. Whether it was PTSD, an adjustment disorder, depression, or good old fashioned anxiety. There are struggles. Most I had no idea were happening. There are guys who've attempted suicide recent...

I wrote recently about death and it's a bit of a load of bunk if I'm honest 24 hrs later. But I'm going to leave it up and just write an addendum. The hardest part of working in emergency medicine and hospice care is maintaining your composure. It's the same for healthcare in general for me. The variety of roles I've found myself in. The difficulty comes from different sources that change constantly but if we broke down to the root of it all, that's what we would be facing. The simplest form of it is not breaking at a smell. It's a simple thing but something we deal with all the time. Whether it's as an aid cleaning up a patient or resident after a bowel movement or bladder void gone wrong, or helping clean up a patient who missed their basin or emesis bag while vomiting. Those are the simple ones. Harder is not letting the shock show on your face at a wound that's more severe than anticipated, or vitals or a lab that tells a hard story. Mainta...

I don't know if anyone else has tried writing something and the words on the page don't line up with the words on the brain. I've had a lot of thoughts rolling that I'm trying to make sense of. Usually a pen or a keyboard helps breed clarity. Today it seems to be mostly doubt and confusion. Most of what's to follow was written in pieces and bursts. Almost fitfully. Not from a stress standpoint, not from a frantic place. But from a place of uncertainty and wondering. Once I get everything worked out perhaps it will make more sense. Now given titles are fairly apparent and readily available I think the subject of death is not a mystery topic today. Now I'm not writing this because it's Halloween time and my thoughts have turned to the Gothic and macabre. Nor am I writing this because I'm feeling my own impending doom. And I'm not writing this for attention. No I'm writing this because this is part of my life once again. Death. It's been a...