Witt's End

 Dear God, What are we going to do? I fret. I worry. I toss and turn. I can't lose the sleep that I'm not having. It's a forgone conclusion.  So I'm just talking. Without thinking. Letting these thoughts race.  There are too many suffering. Too many worrying. So much more than me. I have been given much alongside my trials, my tribulations, my sorrows. I can't ever lose sight of that. But tonight. These days. I struggle to go to work without shaking. I struggle to concentrate. And I don't think I'm alone.  I may be considered a snowflake for this. A bleeding heart. That's just who I am. I care.  I know these prayers are usually private. That's the way I was raised. And in my streams of consciousness that's usually how it goes. But right not my heart is breaking. And words on a page makes the most sense to me. Is cathartic. Necessary for me. What can I do? Other than shouting in the void. Other than the limited work I keep doing day after day.  It...

I hate not being believed. That's happened a lot recently. But the pain of this one has been offset by a pain that came before.  I want to take us back to COVID times. One of the darkest times in my life.  When COVID was tearing through this country. Early on in the process I was pulled up from working in long term care and hospice to help run an emergency unit for COVID patients. These patients were residents of the Washington State Veterans Home. The unit was dealing with an outbreak. We had to stand up and isolate a unit and pull staff from all over the hospital to help provide care for these veterans and spouses.  I was working in the Community Living Center as a nurse's aid. That portion of the VA was a two wing unit that was a rehab and hospice center. We had to clear all of those patients out and move them into other portions of the hospital to make our COVID unit.  During my time on that unit I helped nurses from primary care navigate the EHR they'd never use...

I believe in being earnest. More and more with time. I know I still have a sarcasm gene that I need to address, I can't deny that; but I feel a growing compulsion toward sincerity. This need to stand behind what I do, and what I say. To be true to the emotions and feelings I hold. Through it all I think there's a level of humility and integrity that can only come from being earnest. The world needs kindness, hope, and connection. And I truly have come to believe that we need earnestness to accomplish that. We need some sincerity and some seriousness. In everything we do. But especially in how we express ourselves. I try to say what I mean. In speech and by pen. Express it honestly. Always. The sincerity of what I try to write leads to scrupulousness. I’m very serious in my writing. To a fault. And because of that I take things to heart. Maybe too much.I don't know how well that's served me.  I've written in the past about the accusations of being softhearted, of bei...

Have we examined how problematic it is when we equate good health with righteousness? I want us to think about that for a moment. When we think about having faith to be healed, and the blessings of heaven, how do we react to chronic illness and permanent disability? Do we expect that there is a personal responsibility of the person who we describe as afflicted? Sit with that for a second.  We often start with language we often equate to sin and Satan. Now we don't always stay there. I would argue most don't. But the direction that our sympathies go isn't always healthy. Our attempts at empathy often past sympathy and wind up somewhere around pity. That effects how we interact with people. With those struggling or thriving with various illnesses, medical conditions, and disabilities being treated as near helpless. Earnest sentiments are expressed that are often harmful. We seem to divide people into the useful and the helpless when we do this. And whether we are super consci...

We as people of faith need to get better at apologizing. We do more harm than we realize; often by following our convictions. And we need to be more willing to seek forgiveness for it. That’s going to require a lot of humility, some genuine connection, and a dash of spiritual envy. But I think we can do it. And we need to do it. If we’re sincere in our faith then there’s a demand for it. I'm realizing how high and mighty I used to be. How okay I was with letting my surety trump my empathy. It's been a hard pill to swallow. As we look at our actions we need to realize w e aren’t always correct. We don’t have all the answers. We have faith because we don’t. And we need to embrace that. We need that humility. We need that recognition. We don't know everything. We can't know everything. And that means we won't always get it right.  Too often we find our selves calling people to repentance without knowing there hearts are. Without knowing what they are going through. Oft...