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I used to be ashamed and embarrassed of my kindness

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Soft hearted. Kind hearted. Those were things that were used as slightly insulting euphemisms about kindness. Those were criticisms bandied about by people whose opinions and praise I valued. The charges that brought those terms up, caring about people.  I used to be ashamed and embarrassed of my kindness. Truly I used to be ashamed about caring. Which in my faith now, the place I am now, feels insane. There’s nothing more Christlike about seeing suffering and doing what we can to relieve it. “If you do it to the least of these,” has echoed in brain since I heard it. Yet I used to be ashamed about trying to do that.  It’s funny because my entire adult life has turned into service, of some kind. I began with a mission. I went into the military, where I was a medic. I came out into healthcare. I still work in mental health and substance treatment, in a role requiring me to leverage my vulnerabilities and personal experiences. I have volunteered at a crisis line. My entire adult life is d
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How can we have shared the same faith with such different results?

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The majority of members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints just voted for Donald Trump for President of the United States, again.  I’m not surprised but I am pretty confused. Again. Especially because their faith and the stances of the church are not always in line with Donald Trump’s. I’m giving the benefit of the doubt because we all have to compromise on policy. I just hope that regardless of who we voted for we can agree to support some of the specific policies the church endorsed that he does not. So I  have a few questions and examples here: First thing I would ask. How does Trump's policies align at all with the church's stances on immigration? Will you support the DACA recipients that are now under attack? What about his proposed mass deportations? His reductions of refugees? When Trump was serving his first term as president he opposed the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program (DACA). He reduced refugee admissions and legal immigration. One of
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Most of us men need to do better by the women in our lives.

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I want to be clear. I wrote this for me. I  haven’t done as well by women as I thought I have. And I can do better. But I also thought if I was struggling with this that I couldn't be alone. And this is a moment to change that. I ’ve fallen for the nice guy rhetoric more than once. I’ve thought I cared, but I was being transactional. I had some growth and thought because I was better than others I was good, I was just being superior and narcissistic. No! I have so much work to do. Most (read that not all) of us men  (including myself)  need to do better by the women in our lives. If that statement compels you as a man, don’t worry I’m talking about myself too. If you don’t think this is something you need to work on, cool, you don’t need to read this one. But I needed to write it.  A lot of this will be preaching to the choir for women. I know this will be preaching to the choir for some men. If that is you, carry on. If this pisses you off. Carry on. But if you can. Just try to r
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I didn’t this time

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I didn't write about conference this October. Because I didn't watch it. I couldn't watch it.  I'm struggling that bad with where I'm at with things.  I'm not seeing or hearing changes on social media. On purpose right now. I heard about the temple announced in CDA because I was texted about it. And I feel okay this time. I’ll read more when I’m up for it. I know there’s others that feel the same way. 
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Humility in adversity and sin?

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Humility leads to being vulnerable . But where does that vulnerability come from? Openness. And that’s a result of acceptance and true honestly with yourself and others. And it may result in interactions and behaviors you may not expect. We talk a lot about obedience to commandments in faith. But we also talk about meekness. I think often we think that meekness leading to an exacting unquestioning obedience. But I’m not sure anymore. Meekness is humility. It’s that simple to me. It's an openness and and an acceptance. Now that may lead to some forms of obedience. But it's so much simpler than that to me.  Humility leads to true kindness. The unfeigned kind. Meekness is compassion in that way. It requires not only the honesty to look truly inward but the fortitude to do something about it. This state of being is one I've seen most often in adversity and recovery. That in the lowest of the low we have to be demonstrably kind and honest with ourselves. And when we're there
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You can enlist at 17 but not vote.

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  If a 17 year old is old enough to enlist and train to kill people. To manage thousands of dollars of equipment. To handle weapons. Why can’t they own them in his personal life? Why are they not allowed to use tobacco and drink? Why can’t they rent a car without added penalties? Why aren’t they allowed to vote?   We have people enlisting with parental permission at 17. Yet they aren’t allowed to vote, buy a firearm, use tobacco or alcohol. But they can sign their life away.  I’m never going to understand the disconnect here. We either need to raise the age of enlistment or lower the age of other rights. It’s only fair. It’s only right. We hold service members to higher rules of engagement in hostile territory that we do our own law enforcement officers. And we offer those service members no immunity for their actions. That means we have had fire teams and often squads led by 20 year olds, with 18 year olds under their command on patrol and guard duty for decades.  We ask them to maint
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