Does it make a difference?

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I don't know if I make a difference. I just know I've faced some trials. Trials I felt alone and isolated to experience. I just want to find a way to share that experience. To let people know that they are not alone. 

I've struggled with faith. With doubt. Spirituality, my relationship with my Savior, with scripture. It's not always been smooth. It's something I don't always think has the tough discussions. Those tough conversations that need to be had. I may not always have the answers, but I want to ask tough questions, I want to have rough conversations, and I want to be honest and open about both my faith and my doubts.

I've talked, written, felt like screaming about mental health. Especially the stigmas that involve it. I don't think people feel they can be as open or as raw about their mental or behavioral struggles as much as they could or even should be. Especially men and boys. I hope that in time we can change that.

I've addressed some policy and politics. I haven't always been as fair as I've hoped I'd be. I haven't always been able to separate my own opinion. So moving forward I can't say I'll be impartial. But I'll be fair and honest. I'll continue to do copious amounts of research before I address any policy points, or political actions. 

We're all in this together. This ship called life. And that's why I feel so compelled to write. To try to make a difference. To try to help. To try to help each other. So many have helped me. I’ve truly been blessed. Because I have been given much I too must give.

That's been my career so far. Military service as a medic, working as an EMT, a CNA, a phlebotomist. Continuing to work in the public sector treating vets. I just feel compelled to find ways to serve. To dedicate my life to more than a paycheck. I'm finally figuring out what I want that to look like moving forward. Hopefully I'll be able to comment on that soon enough. 

I'd be remiss if I didn't address the fact that part of the writing is seeking validation. Or at least a sounding board for dialogue. That piece hasn't always been as successful. I guess I just wonder if I am making a difference on one hand. And wondering if I make sense on the other. Do people have similar ideas and experiences? Do I make a difference by sharing my thoughts, ideas, experiences, emotions?

I don't think I'll get an answer to those questions immediately. But I still feel compelled to keep writing. So we'll see in time how they're answered. I just hope it's for the affirmative. Even if it's for one person.

It’s easy to measure impact temporally, physically. If someone is hurt and you splint or bind the wound. You see your impact. It’s harder with the mind, the spirit, and the heart. 

Mine has hurt a lot. This has been an outlet for bettering me. I guess I just hope that my selfish desire to help another is not futile.

So if you read this in any form. Let me know. Does it make a difference?

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