I Hear You

I've been struggling with my thoughts since January 6th. I know for some that may seem trite or naive, especially given the volatility of the last four years especially this past summer. But I am truly worried about what the future will bring.

The inaugural address yesterday does give me some hope. But it's gotta be accepted. That's why the  three most important words and action we could practice right now is, "I hear you." Confronting division and hate are the hardest things we can ever possibly do.

The only way we can get through this current crisis in my opinion, is to listen, truly listen actively to people. Then we connect with people. This current climate was directly a product of something that Arthur Brooks spoke about at the 2020 prayer breakfast, contempt. Contempt and enmity for other people has broken into our discourse at an alarming rate. We as a nation truly believe that people who hold different policy positions, prioritize values differently are evil. I'm not totally innocent of falling into that thinking. So what do I, what do we do?

We listen, and we confront hate. That will lead to forgiveness, that will lead to healing.

Now I've often been accused of being an idealist with their head in the clouds. Been called a religious freak. But I tell you what. That idealism has led to hope in this current crisis and I'm not letting it go. 

Now at that prayer breakfast referenced earlier Arthur Brooks tried to tell us that we were at a dangerous place. One that preceded the horrific events of this year. He told this story, he made this quote while giving a speech and then referenced the aftermath.

“My friends, you’ve heard a lot today that you’ve agreed with — and well you should. You’ve also heard a lot about the other side — political liberals — and how they are wrong. But I want to ask you to remember something: Political liberals are not stupid, and they’re not evil. They are simply Americans who disagree with you about public policy. And if you want to persuade them — which should be your goal — remember that no one has ever been insulted into agreement. You can only persuade with love.”

It was not an applause line.

After the speech, a woman in the audience came up to me, and she was clearly none too happy with my comments. “You’re wrong,” she told me. "Liberals are stupid and evil.”

At that moment, my thoughts went to … Seattle. That’s my hometown. While my own politics are conservative, Seattle is arguably the most politically liberal place in the United States. My father was a college professor; my mother was an artist. Professors and artists in Seattle … what do you think their politics were?

That lady after my speech wasn’t trying to hurt me. But when she said that liberals are stupid and evil, she was talking about my parents. I may have disagreed with my parents politically, but I can tell you they were neither stupid nor evil. They were good, Christian people, who raised me to follow Jesus. They also taught me to think for myself — which I did, at great inconvenience to them.

Political polarization was personal for me that day, and I want to be personal to you, too. So let me ask you a question: How many of you love someone with whom you disagree politically?

Are you comfortable hearing someone on your own side insult that person?"

This one resonated with me completely. I have so many people on both sides of the aisle. Why do they hate each other so much? Why does it often feel like I'm hated on both sides of the political aisle?

I think the number one reason is we live in isolated bubbles of society. We live in communities that are rural or urban. We live in a society where religion and occupational are two of the primary indicators of political partisanship. We use social media with algorithms meant to feed us content we agree with. It's hard to break that bubble. In the era of covid it seems almost insurmountable. 

That said, the only solution is to break out of the bubble. To those we often contend with. May feel anger or even contempt and enmity toward, we need to get to know them. Dallin H. Oaks said in October, 

We move toward loving our adversaries when we avoid anger and hostility toward those with whom we disagree. It also helps if we are even willing to learn from them.

Among other ways to develop the power to love others is the simple method described in a long-ago musical. When we are trying to understand and relate to people of a different culture, we should try getting to know them. In countless circumstances, strangers’ suspicion or even hostility give way to friendship or even love when personal contacts produce understanding and mutual respect.

We have to get to know them. Truly know them. Care about them. Love them. That may seem impossible to some people. 

Honestly. I have hope. I do. That if we take the time to listen to understand, we'll be more united. We can understand that we have disparate solutions to common problems, and we have different needs and challenges. But that only comes by truly getting to know someone. By taking the time to participate in discussions. To take the time to listen and to hear them. Sometimes we don't need our own opinion. I know I struggle with that. The need to respond to everyone. Maybe we need to chill that action a little bit. 

We need to invest in focusing on letting diverse opinions flourish. We can disagree on policy, on action and not attack or disparage the person behind those views. By understanding them we can achieve perspective, and maybe even compromise.

When I started reading and writing these thoughts over a week ago I had no idea what the inauguration would hold. But I'm heartened by these two sections by President Biden (and his speechwriters if we're honest). Firstly,

To all those who did not support us, let me say this. Hear us out as we move forward. Take a measure of me and my heart.

If you still disagree, so be it. That's democracy. That's America. The right to dissent peacefully. And the guardrail of our democracy is perhaps our nation's greatest strength. If you hear me clearly, disagreement must not lead to disunion. And I pledge this to you. I will be a President for all Americans, all Americans. And I promise you I will fight for those who did not support me as for those who did.

A commitment to support those that disagree, it's a noble aspiration. I think hearing this from the top down can have a cooling effect. I understand those skeptical and wishing for actions to make their determination. I get that. But you can have some hope, participate, and still have reservations and skepticism. 

If we can keep the above in mind I think his next passage can be possible,

We must end this uncivil war that pits red against blue, rural versus urban, conservative versus liberal. We can do this if we open our souls instead of hardening our hearts, if we show a little tolerance and humility, and if we're willing to stand in the other person's shoes, as my mom would say. Just for a moment, stand in their shoes.

Because here's the thing about life. There's no accounting for what fate will deal you. Some days you need a hand. There are other days when we're called to lend a hand. That's how it has to be, that's what we do for one another. And if we are that way our country will be stronger, more prosperous, more ready for the future. And we can still disagree.

My fellow Americans, in the work ahead of us we're going to need each other. We need all our strength to persevere through this dark winter. 

It's been a long dark winter. I for one want it to be over. I want division to cease. I know that isn't possible. So I would love to see disparagement and contempt reduced substantially. And that starts with listening. It starts with, "I hear you." 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/02/07/arthur-brooks-national-prayer-breakfast-speech/?arc404=true

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/17oaks?lang=eng

https://www.yahoo.com/now/full-transcript-joe-bidens-inauguration-175723360.html