Witt's End

It's weird to watch the world at the cusp of war. To see individual nations wracked with conflict and violence.  I served in the Army. I was a 68W combat medic. I was separated for an injury sustained during service. I never deployed.  It's strange.  I have skills the Army gave me. And a bunch of injuries. Not much more. Now a war is brewing.  Whether we want to consider ourselves at war or not, we're looking at thousands of soldiers deployed, resources marshalled, unprecedented sanctions. It's a cold war at the very least. It's strange to see the footage out of Ukraine and know. I won't be a part of it. I served my time and walked away bloodied, torn, and arguably broken. My physical health is never going to be the same after my service. My mental health took a beating. It's over. My eligibility is gone.  It's weird because in very recent months I've worked really hard to gain more understanding of what is out of whack in my body. I've put in th

 "How much is me how much is the (insert mental illness)?" It's a question anyone with mental illness has asked themselves at least once. If not repeatedly. It's a question that ebbs and flows. During times of crisis, severe symptoms etc, it becomes a plea. When you start taking meds, it can become quizzical. Murky or cloudy at best. Confusion at worst.  Some tell us we need not ask the question. That there is no disorder, just a unique way of looking at the world. Others speak of personal responsibility overriding or controlling anything else. I think neither adequately answer the question. Both approaches miss the mark. The dismiss the reality of dealing with one’s mental health. One that things can be abnormal or disordered. And two, that it can be out of one’s control. Once we accept those two truths we realize how central and vital the question is. How hard it can be to address it.  One of the challenges with addressing the question is that the answer will change

One of the greatest struggles I’ll always have is between my inscrutable curiosity and my faith.   Research, experience, intelligence, all come up against dogmatism, faith, and traditions. There are aspects of current policies, expectations, and practices that I cannot currently reconcile. Let alone historical discrepancies.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t have faith. That doesn’t mean I do not have a relationship with God. With my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. All it means is I’m choosing to be more authentic about my life and faith.  In order for myself to have Faith in God I have to embrace certain conditions. First that only God is perfect. Nothing else on earth, nothing in this life, plane of existence is perfect. We are commanded to be perfect. But will never attain it. That leads me to point number two.  Everything  in this life is in a state of progression. All of God’s creation is striving to and moving toward perfection. Everything is working toward God’s designs. Humans m