Thoughts

"Change your thoughts, change everything." I keep seeing variations of this quote or idea all over. And it's not horrible. But it's not universally beneficial either. 

I don’t disagree with the idea that our thoughts can be the difference. That they can set moods. That they can make the difference in outcomes, mental, emotional, and physical.

Thoughts matter. We have to learn how to control them. Develop them. Use them.

It’s a more than worthwhile endeavor.

It’s just not an equal one. All people have different struggles. Different trials with this. 

Uncontrolled moods, intrusive thoughts, physical addictions, traumatic events, neurodivergent struggles, and even brain damage. They all wreak havoc on one’s cognition. Purposeful thought isn’t as easy for some as it is for others. The amount of effort required is different. 

At one point in my life, I'd convinced myself I still had pain. There was racing anxiety that accompanied my every move. The line between physical and emotional pain blurred to the point that I couldn't differentiate them. What I "needed" was skewed and unknowing. 

There are times I deal with uncontrolled elation. Absolutely out of nowhere. Everything is excitable. Powerful enough to eliminate any chance I have at sleep. Just compounding the struggles. I had to question every thought I had. Every single one. 

The next day, or three later I would crash out. Curl in a ball. Full of self loathing and doubt. Paralyzed. Darkness intruding every time I opened or closed my eyes.

All of these issues were informed, or some could argue compounded by horrific moments. The kind that repeat in our sleep, make our body react.

That's why I and many people like me struggle to control thoughts. Severe mental illness is real. It doesn't always respond to the same positive self talk, self discipline, etc that it would in other people. I don't think our thoughts are silver bullets, manifestation can lead to delusions of grandeur in my psyche faster than a coin flip. Any thought I have has to specifically curated. If I don't have that control I collapse. And I can't do it alone. 

See that's why there is medication. Mood stabilization. If I can keep that level I can trust my thoughts more. 

Active grounding exercises, to get in touch with my body, to know when I'm experiencing, an intrusive thought, a bodily reaction, a memory, or emotion. Getting familiar and comfortable with that.

Using techniques to eliminate distraction and stimuli that can override my thoughts. Just to complete tasks and put into effect what I was learning from everything above. 

For some people thoughts are comforting. Change them. Stand up. Move on. And the advice and focus on them pays equal dividends. For some of us, it's combat in our brain to change them. 

Now I wouldn't have it any other way. 

People are unique. They have a variety of challenges. If mine make it that much easier to help someone else face there's. That's a win to me.