Witt's End

I'm trying to be more sympathetic and understanding about how people from the same church can have such different views on so many topics. I'm trying to dig at the incongruence between t he doctrine of my chosen religion and my personal expression of faith.  Trying to look at how that exists in all of us. Because I think if we don't have some of this conflict we're lying to ourselves.  I think I have to start this off with something that really troubled me a couple years ago. Vaccines and religious exemptions. During the time of COVID this conflict caused a lot of stress for me. I was an immunocompromised healthcare worker in an ICU. During the time that the vaccine was coming out I was amazed at the number of fellow healthcare workers that were opposed to the vaccine. What was even more distressing to me was the number of fellow members of my church that were in such opposition to masking and vaccination. Things the church actively supported . There was a cognitive dis...

It's been a stressful time for many. I've been feeling that. And it's made the annual ritual of finding and expressing gratitude difficult for me. But I felt like I needed to give it an honest go.  Family, music, art, the landscapes I call home, our two cats, and my wife (so family again). I'm not as bad off as I think sometimes. And that's something.

I am in a new place. And it’s shocking how fast I got here. If you want to have a wake up call, re-examine your faults based on the harm they’ve caused others. Emotional, physical, spiritual. All the sudden your most common sins are not the absences in obvious conformity; no they’re the simple slights and harms to others. I just did this over the past weeks and let’s just say I feel really convicted by it. It's led me to a place where  I am completely reevaluating what it means for me to sin.  It’s startling to make realizations about how we treat others.  The worst damage is often a much smaller slight than we had imagined, or even unintentional. I’ve spoken in the past of the danger of rating sins. I still think that matters, especially when we judge others. But I’ve softened on how I feel about that when it comes to self evaluation. When we judge others we are often examining them in the abstract and out of context. We can’t pass judgement without complete knowledge of...

Soft hearted. Kind hearted. Those were things that were used as slightly insulting euphemisms about kindness. Those were criticisms bandied about by people whose opinions and praise I valued. The charges that brought those terms up, caring about people.  I used to be ashamed and embarrassed of my kindness. Truly I used to be ashamed about caring. Which in my faith now, the place I am now, feels insane. There’s nothing more Christlike about seeing suffering and doing what we can to relieve it. “If you do it to the least of these,” has echoed in brain since I heard it. Yet I used to be ashamed about trying to do that.  It’s funny because my entire adult life has turned into service, of some kind. I began with a mission. I went into the military, where I was a medic. I came out into healthcare. I still work in mental health and substance treatment, in a role requiring me to leverage my vulnerabilities and personal experiences. I have volunteered at a crisis line. My entire adult ...

The majority of members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints just voted for Donald Trump for President of the United States, again.  I’m not surprised but I am pretty confused. Again. Especially because their faith and the stances of the church are not always in line with Donald Trump’s. I’m giving the benefit of the doubt because we all have to compromise on policy. I just hope that regardless of who we voted for we can agree to support some of the specific policies the church endorsed that he does not. So I  have a few questions and examples here: First thing I would ask. How does Trump's policies align at all with the church's stances on immigration? Will you support the DACA recipients that are now under attack? What about his proposed mass deportations? His reductions of refugees? When Trump was serving his first term as president he opposed the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program (DACA). He reduced refugee admissions and legal immigration. ...

I want to be clear. I wrote this for me. I  haven’t done as well by women as I thought I have. And I can do better. But I also thought if I was struggling with this that I couldn't be alone. And this is a moment to change that. I ’ve fallen for the nice guy rhetoric more than once. I’ve thought I cared, but I was being transactional. I had some growth and thought because I was better than others I was good, I was just being superior and narcissistic. No! I have so much work to do. Most (read that not all) of us men  (including myself)  need to do better by the women in our lives. If that statement compels you as a man, don’t worry I’m talking about myself too. If you don’t think this is something you need to work on, cool, you don’t need to read this one. But I needed to write it.  A lot of this will be preaching to the choir for women. I know this will be preaching to the choir for some men. If that is you, carry on. If this pisses you off. Carry on. But if you can...

I didn't write about conference this October. Because I didn't watch it. I couldn't watch it.  I'm struggling that bad with where I'm at with things.  I'm not seeing or hearing changes on social media. On purpose right now. I heard about the temple announced in CDA because I was texted about it. And I feel okay this time. I’ll read more when I’m up for it. I know there’s others that feel the same way. 

Humility leads to being vulnerable . But where does that vulnerability come from? Openness. And that’s a result of acceptance and true honestly with yourself and others. And it may result in interactions and behaviors you may not expect. We talk a lot about obedience to commandments in faith. But we also talk about meekness. I think often we think that meekness leading to an exacting unquestioning obedience. But I’m not sure anymore. Meekness is humility. It’s that simple to me. It's an openness and and an acceptance. Now that may lead to some forms of obedience. But it's so much simpler than that to me.  Humility leads to true kindness. The unfeigned kind. Meekness is compassion in that way. It requires not only the honesty to look truly inward but the fortitude to do something about it. This state of being is one I've seen most often in adversity and recovery. That in the lowest of the low we have to be demonstrably kind and honest with ourselves. And when we're there...