The gulf between doctrine and faith-

I'm trying to be more sympathetic and understanding about how people from the same church can have such different views on so many topics. I'm trying to dig at the incongruence between the doctrine of my chosen religion and my personal expression of faith. Trying to look at how that exists in all of us. Because I think if we don't have some of this conflict we're lying to ourselves. 

I think I have to start this off with something that really troubled me a couple years ago. Vaccines and religious exemptions. During the time of COVID this conflict caused a lot of stress for me. I was an immunocompromised healthcare worker in an ICU. During the time that the vaccine was coming out I was amazed at the number of fellow healthcare workers that were opposed to the vaccine. What was even more distressing to me was the number of fellow members of my church that were in such opposition to masking and vaccination. Things the church actively supported. There was a cognitive dissonance that was alarming to me. I didn't know how to handle it. I'd both done my research, I had lived experience, and now my faith community was being affirmative and supportive. But still people didn't get that. Or at least that's how I was looking at it. 

I felt like we had a prophet, that we all were supposed to follow. Why wasn't it that simple? 

I looked at things I'd struggled with but had just gone on in faith. I suppressed my sexuality and had in the past supported legislation and stances that I truly felt discontent about. I felt troubled on those stances. Over time I felt a disconnect between my own lived experiences and understanding and the church's stances. I saw the research in my field (especially as I transitioned to mental health) that didn't align with the church's positions and standards. How I viewed myself, how I viewed the LGBTQ+ community had changed. How I had to interact had. 

This had led me to a new place. One of balancing my personal convictions, education, and understanding with prophetic counsel. It may be heretical to say but I see counsel and revelation as one source of knowledge, not the only source. And I have to live with that. Own that. And now I'm more comfortable doing that.

There are a lot of issues where how I viewed my faith and it's role had changed. I really see that now. And I have more empathy for where other people see gaps in faith and practice. In doctrine and application of faith. Especially where they are different than my own. 

Abortion, the application of the word of wisdom (especially in regards to medicinal cannabis), the church's support for the respect for marriage act all come to mind as places where there are friction points between the stances of the church and various peoples faith and application. 

Then there are moments where my ideals and morals align with the church's stances. And the one that comes to mind is immigration. It's also the one with a lot of change in my view of the situation over time. But as I came to change my mind and the intensity of my feelings on the matter I realized how easy it was to support this and listen to the church. It's an easier place to sit in for me. Between the church's support of the Utah compact, DACA, opposition to the Muslim ban, and continuing support of immigrants and refugees it's easy. I wish it was always that way. 

I think the application of my faith has changed. The intensity. And I can't change that. And I think I'm less alone than I realize. This phenomenon can cut both ways political, it has different prioritization based on our health and careers. It's part of having sincerity and honesty in our faith. It's authenticity and humility. I wish we could have more open conversations about it.