I just want to make progress this year

Last month I averaged the most steps per day that I've had since I was in the Army. 10,933. About halfway through the month I stepped on the gas and thought I could get to 11,000, almost got there. For reference I was averaging 7,500 for the past year. Over the last two months I got up to 8,000, then 8,500. Now I got over 10,000. 

So why am I talking about steps. Because its a large amount of growth for me. 

I've spent two years struggling with various aspects of my health. What I expect out of my day to day life has changed. And I don't know if I will ever get totally back. 

I want to maximize my current potential instead of aspiring for what could have been my potential. My life has taken some crazy turns over the past few years. And over the last decade I'm on an entirely different path than I would have ever thought. 

I want to be ok with that. 

I haven't always been. 

I've spent a lot of time focused on where I wanted to be based on something other than the current reality. 

It was depressing. 

I have to be honest I thought I would holding to a much higher tempo in my physical health and fitness, I thought I would have the capability to pursue education much more quickly. But life has it's own tempo. 

I can't say that I'll be able to overcome the cycles of depressions and delusions of grandeur that plague me. I can't say that I'll have the physicality of 25 year old me ever again. That's gone. 

But there is something I can do. I can set routines. I can ask for help. I can examine my life and set reasonable goals and benchmarks. And I'm doing it. 

One step at a time. Literally. 

That means I'm going to focus on progression. And sustainment. That's recovery. 

It means going to all my appointments. It means setting reasonable expectations on education and career development and doing it. It means doing daily physical activities in progressive ways. It means showing up on duolingo everyday. It means playing an instrument every other day. 

And it means all of that sustains life. It doesn't mean I'm going to be a body builder. It doesn't mean I expect straight As at school. It doesn't mean I expect my mental health to become radically different. 

It just means I'll be one year better and one year older. 

It's time to focus on what to do. What I can do. And I love that.

I've got bipolar. I deal with migraines, massive vertigo, and the long term effects of a few TBIs. And I've got hemochromatosis that's damaged a lot of my body. Those are the facts. 

I'm so much better than I was. But I'm not as good as I once was. That's been a trip. But I'm coming to terms with it. 

This year I'm trying to focus on what I can do. I'm trying to focus on moving forward. I'm trying to have more positive framings. Cause life is good. I want to be better for me. For my family. For the friends who give a crap about me. 

I'm showing up. 

I'm ready. 

None of this is new. But it's the new year, it's goal season. So I might as well talk about it. 

Love you all. This will be a year. Let's make it a better experience for all of us.