How do we help those with disabilities?

Have we examined how problematic it is when we equate good health with righteousness?

I want us to think about that for a moment.

When we think about having faith to be healed, and the blessings of heaven, how do we react to chronic illness and permanent disability? Do we expect that there is a personal responsibility of the person who we describe as afflicted?

Sit with that for a second. 

We often start with language we often equate to sin and Satan. Now we don't always stay there. I would argue most don't. But the direction that our sympathies go isn't always healthy. Our attempts at empathy often past sympathy and wind up somewhere around pity. That effects how we interact with people. With those struggling or thriving with various illnesses, medical conditions, and disabilities being treated as near helpless. Earnest sentiments are expressed that are often harmful.

We seem to divide people into the useful and the helpless when we do this. And whether we are super conscious about it or not, we seem to think more highly of one group than the other. 

And that impacts how all over our interactions go. 

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Now if you haven't lived with a long term illness or disability, you may want to help you may say things that come across like this, "you need to take a rest." Or, "you need to take things easier." "Let someone else do that. 

It usually comes from a decent place. Often a truly earnest one. But it's not helpful. 

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We need to stop telling people who are struggling physically and mentally that they need to take it easier, or take a break. 

We need to stop telling their partners the similar things. Either telling partners to relax/take a break, or telling them to step up more. 

None of this is beneficial. Because it's not possible. Some people have a harder life. For some of us life is hard. 

Cause the truth is, the life of someone with a disability is going to look uncomfortable to those without the same challenges. And that’s just life. Trying to mitigate challenges is the role of accommodation. Mitigation not elimination. That can be really hard to swallow. Being able to accept that is the first stop on the path to limiting ableist and its thinking.

This all started with my and my wife’s reactions to some well meaning remarks. Ones we’ve heard repeatedly.

I want to work and contribute to my family and society. I want to earn the compensation for that. I deserve to earn compensation for that. I have skills. I have knowledge. And a lot of experience. I should use them. But that means I have to sometimes work through pain and issues. I've been given the opportunity (almost coerced) to go on disability. I don't always look like I need it. But that's the struggles I face everyday. And I know the knowledge of the pain and fatigue I face regularly can be very uncomfortable to a lot of people in my circles. There are parts of my life that are just hard. Hard for me, and hard for my family because of me. 

But I want to stop for a second and say something. Hard doesn’t mean impossible. It just means it takes more effort. It just means it takes more planning at times. It takes pacing. It often takes asking for help. That's all. Hard just means more work. That is not a bad thing in and of itself. 

Worthwhile things always require work. You want to be an athlete, that takes time and energy. Mastering an instrument takes time and energy. Learning a language takes time and energy. Getting skilled at job. You guys get the point. All things that matter to us will take time and energy, even our employment and relationships. That work, its part of life for all of us, mine looks different than others sometimes. That's ok. My pace is different. And I'm accepting that. 

The hardest part was recognizing that this is going to be a long term thing for me. Lifelong. There's no shortcuts. No miracle cures. I've had to develop the faith to not be healed. And I'm not that bad off. There are people who have it way worse than me. 

There are people who's disabilities and infirmities are super visible, and those that are hidden. Those who pass through moments of pain, and those who live in it. 

We can do better to help them by listening to what they need. Finding out how they live their lives, and why they do the things they do. And then acting accordingly. Let those who need accommodations dictate what that help looks like. 

They are in control of their life. They know where they want to be. Trust me. Trust them.

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Often we want to fix things. We want to help. Because it eases our discomfort about someone else's pain. It assuages the guilt of our privilege. But we can't rescue people with long-term illness and disability. We can't be their savior. That's somebody else's job. No all we can do is help. That's what service really is. Being that servant, not being the rescuer. 

As people of faith. We struggle at that. 

And we need to check the impulse that our good fortune is tied to our righteousness. It's not. We've all just been dealt different hands to play. And recognizing how that changes our circumstances. Being aware of our fortunes. That can make us better enabled to help the people in our lives. 

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I started working on this before the election. It was just a way to work through the frustrations I was feeling in my life. But it's become a lot more pertinent. Diversity Equity and Inclusion opposition from the current administration has gone after DEIA as well. Diversity Equity Inclusion and Accessibility. It's all part of the same thing. Section 504 is being challenged. Those protections for students that enable things like IEPs are at risk. I believe the support the least of those among us cherish is at risk. Read up on it. Ask questions. And call your representatives about this issues. 

They effect so many more than you realize. 

Let's listen to those actually effected so we can help them.