Getting Back Up

I was one of the little kids growing up. That can be hard to believe given my 5'11" frame that has only been below 200lbs for a brief period in the last decade. But it's the hand over heart truth. I was little. 5'0" part way through freshman year little. Fit in the locker all of middle school, was consistently short in elementary school little. 

I was also a nerd. Super nerd. With a 90s bowl cut. I loved to watch Star Wars,  Wishbone, most cartoons. I read Animorphs, comics, and the World Book Encyclopedia, all the time. I was obsessed with animals and sci-fi (and eventually fantasy, yay Redwall and Tolkien). I averaged over 100k new pages of new material in the summer. 

All of the above was true, as was a love of sports. A big love. A love that I didn't feel that I could deliver on. 

See I was often picked next to last or last. And it wasn't for a lack of trying. If you're literally on the little dudes, and you get pegged or slammed, you're down. My stride was shorter, my reach was shorter, I was strong for my size (at the time) but that meant nothing. For little me I slowly learned something. You get back up.

See that's been my go to move. I know, from experiences, that I'm going to get thrown around, beat up, and knocked down. It was inevitable. I was never counting on being the fastest, the strongest, or the most capable. But I could always get back up. I could stand back up.

The interesting thing about getting tougher and stronger is that you don't always see it yourself. As it's happening, as you're testing it, you're still getting knocked down. You're still meeting adversity head on and losing. It's hard to keep perspective. 

I remember when I realized that I always got back up. It was boot camp, that's when I knew things had changed, two moments. First, I was at an obstacle course. One of the first tasks was a set of monkey bars. I always struggled with them. Always. I pounded through the set, and swung past the second to last rung. A drill sgt made me go at them again. So I started to and I fell. I did that 13 times, until I had tears on both hands, blood on my uniform and I made it past halfway, and he told me to move on. I made it through the rest of the course. The second moment was in the last three weeks, I fell on the wet bleachers and tweaked my knee. It swelled easily twice as big as it usually was. I kept going. All the way through my last PT test, which I made it through. Those two moments were the wake up. The potential I had. I often need to remember those moments. How I pushed through. 

You see the secret to getting back up is knowing that everything that hurts can only last so long. It's temporary. Suffering, pain, toughness, all of them, they don't last. Once you make that realization, you can get through anything.

Now I don't always live up to my own potential. But I know what it is. I know what it took to earn. And knowing what I'm capable of. It changes things. For the better I hope. Because if life has taught me anything. I'm going to get knocked back down again. Over and over. My children will too. The best thing I can do for me and for them, is to keep getting back up. And not stop. Because the last part I didn't tell you, if you keep getting back up you stop getting knocked down as often. I think I need that too.