Recovery Sucks

I don’t think the average person realizes what ending addiction really means. But it’s something that’s been weighing on my mind. And I’ve got it down to one phrase.

Recovery is simply choosing to live with the pain. 

That’s it. It’s that simple. And it’s sucks.

I’m not going to say it isn’t worth it. But it sucks. 

I just want to say that being in recovery from addiction is almost always hard. It slowly gets easier but it’s always hard.

It’s hard because it didn’t begin because life was great. It began because life was hard, and we needed an escape from emotional, mental, or physical pain. We numbed, pushed past, or detached from the pain with a physical crutch. But what we thought was medicine, coping, treatment, turned to poison in our hands. In our chemistry it takes over.

So now instead of just escaping, or numbing we’re seeking. Maybe we can function as an addict, or maybe we can’t. Newsflash, most of us can’t. So other things pay the price. Our health, our relationships, careers, finances. We pay out trust in return for a moment’s respite. Until we bottom out.

The threshold to change. It’s different man to man, woman to woman, human to human. At some point the cost of use becomes too much to bear. So we turn to get away from the addiction. To live without it. We finally make the choice to change.

Being forced doesn’t work. Harm reduction fails us. So we start recovering. We give up the vice. 

Minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, week to week. We start the life of being sober. Counting each moment. 

Maybe there’s support. Maybe there’s not: 12 step, SMART, a support group, church. Hopefully we start building a support. Hopefully someone loved us through it all. If we tell anybody we’re struggling that is. 

Regardless reality hits. Like a ton of bricks. That pain we never fixed before we got addicted. It’s there. And it’s usually worse for neglect. Emotions we numbed or pushed past are needing acknowledgment and confrontation. Our health, needs to be built back up. And trust is broken on fronts. 

It suck’s. And sobriety is living with that pain.

Freedom, it has a price. And we have to pay it in recovery.

And that’s why relapse is almost a statistical inevitability.

And each time amplifies the pain when it’s over.

So this is for those that fell off the wagon. Just go to a group or meeting, call your sponsor or accountability partner. It you’ve never been formal just call someone; a friend, partner/spouse, a family member. Someone. Start over.

Recovery isn’t a destination. It’s a new way to live. That’s all it is. 

I think it’s worth it. But that doesn’t make it easy one damn day. And no one is going to live life for me. That’s just the way it is. 

So destigmatize relapse. It will happen. Just focus on what happens after. Make the times between longer. Until you can’t remember the last time. 

Live life. Take the steps you need to succeed. Don’t make life harder. You’ll make it. You’ll do it. I’m on the path and so many more are, so many more than you’d realize. Life is on the ocean, you gotta swim to keep from drowning. You can do it. You can. Reach out. So you don’t have to do it alone.