There is no silver bullet

There is no perfect magic shield for protecting against suicide. I'm sorry but that's the truth. I know a lot of people know this and I may be preaching to the choir a bit, but I needed to say it.

I know a lot of good intention-ed people who wonder why so and so committed suicide. They seemed happy. They had a good job. They had a wonderful spouse. Beautiful family. They had purpose. They had faith, you could feel it, they were active in their church. All of these can mitigate suicide, and for many may be enough to hold on. But that doesn't mean it's true for everyone.

Our thoughts are tricky tricky beasts. They can take us down a rabbit hole in no time flat. I can tell you from experience that one negative thought can snowball, and cause a string of catastrophizing that will rob one of all sleep in a night. It can happen to any of us. That much is true. That brain of ours is not infallible, it's susceptible to all kinds of trickery. Thoughts need to be active.

I know it's hard for all of us to control our thoughts. That's just the fact. Now imagine how much harder it is for someone with intrusive thoughts, depression, anxiety, or similar afflictions. Someone hopelessly addicted who doesn't see a way out. A struggling trauma victim. All of those circumstances that make things more of a struggle. How much more difficult it is for those struggling in ways you cannot see.

I've been there. I don't always talk about it but recent experience has shown me that I need to open up about it more. People to need hear what it's like to struggle with mental illness. Some people just don't know what it's like. And others don't know there is hope on the other side.

I've been to dark places. Times where I truly felt like I had no hope. Times where I truly felt like I had no control of my thoughts. That I was worthless and should just give up. Other days where the anxiety made my heart race, destroyed any hope of breathing and left my head and chest pounding in pain. Panic attacks are real. But thankfully for me, rare. More common for me had been a subtle cloud of worry over my thoughts. Just a constant darkness, at times for months.

But my greatest struggle has been my inability to sleep at times. Ever since high school I struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep. i'll keep blue screens off, stick to a schedule, and try my hardest to sleep. But thoughts race and keep me awake. It slowly adds up. It gets harder and harder.

Now that's just my experience. I've had struggles. Many of which have gone unknown. And mine aren't the worst. They were bad but I never felt the need to take my own life. I didn't truly become suicidal. But I understand how one can. All too easily. I can see how easily addiction can set in. I can see those things. I hope we all are empathetic to others who are experience it.

Just today someone told em they'd never realized what people go through. I hope they do now. Really,

There are no magic bullets. We can just look out and help each other. And we can seek help. And maybe just maybe we'll see reductions in suicide, in addiction. I can only hope.

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