What’s hard about what I hope to see.
I don't want to see change necessitated by more body bags. That goes for protesters and police alike.
Nor do I want to see any hate continue. A large part of that is due to my faith.
As this has been going on I've turned to look at things I've been taught, words that have instructed and comforted me in times of trial. And I'm trying to apply them to myself.
Two talks came to mind. One right before each other. One on forgiveness and the other on repentance. Both about changing. Both from the same man at the end of his life.
James E Faust was a man who had a quiet serenity that has always touched me. My grandfather spent some time as missionary in Salt Lake City. He found himself walking the same route as President Faust on a regular basis. Getting to know him fairly well. Their mannerisms and patterns of speech were often similar. Reflected on these two men's legacy I can't help but be humbled.
Now right before Faust died he gave a talk in General Conference on the healing power of forgiveness. I'm not in the position of authority to tell or direct others to forgive. That would be overstepping my bounds. But I've needed peace. Slowly working my way toward being able to forgive is bringing that. It's a process. But I can see the changes. Especially when I reflect on these words much more eloquent than mine. His words were.
"Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours. The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does not bring happiness.
Some hold grudges for a lifetime, unaware that courageously forgiving those who have wronged us is wholesome and therapeutic."
I'm working through it. I've taken enough time. But it isn't easy.
"If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being. Some recent studies show that people who are taught to forgive become “less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed,” which leads to greater physical well-being. Another of these studies concludes “that forgiveness … is a liberating gift [that] people can give to themselves.”
I hope to feel that. I feel myself shedding my anger. I think that's the first step. I do know that one reason why I didn't want to try to forgive was a feeling of indignation and injustice. But I've come to realize that justice and forgiveness are not incompatible.
"Of course, society needs to be protected from hardened criminals, because mercy cannot rob justice. Bishop Williams addressed this concept so well when he said, “Forgiveness is a source of power. But it does not relieve us of consequences.” When tragedy strikes, we should not respond by seeking personal revenge but rather let justice take its course and then let go. It is not easy to let go and empty our hearts of festering resentment. The Savior has offered to all of us a precious peace through His Atonement, but this can come only as we are willing to cast out negative feelings of anger, spite, or revenge. For all of us who forgive “those who trespass against us,” even those who have committed serious crimes, the Atonement brings a measure of peace and comfort."
This process. This forgiveness isn't about removing justice or forgetting it. It's about our health, growth and peace.
As I've thought about this. Especially in a paradigm where I want to see changes in the world around me, I can't help but notice my own glaring inadequacies. My own foibles and shortcomings. That very anger I described earlier is easy to point toward the self. James E Faust had some posthumous words that though simple seem to stick with me.
"Each one of us has been given the power to change his or her life. As part of the Lord’s great plan of happiness, we have individual agency to make decisions. We can decide to do better and to be better. In some ways all of us need to change; that is, some of us need to be more kind at home, less selfish, better listeners, and more considerate in the way we treat others. Some of us have habits that need to be changed, habits that harm us and others around us. Sometimes we may need a jolt to propel us into changing."
I've felt that jolt. I want to change. I am changing. Am I aware of others who might be as well? As I search inwardly am I giving the same grace to those around me? That's what I keep asking myself. I struggle always to believe I'm capable of bigger and better things. Of just becoming a better person. If I struggle with that idea for myself, how can I possibly be aware of those changes in others.
That's why I need to forgive. That's why I need to change.
If change comes from love, especially on a grander scale then I need to feel it better.
Nephi was a prophet. A truly good man, and he seemed to struggle with these sentiments too.
"26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions."
I think if we try to repent, personally change then forgiveness becomes easier. Then love comes easier.
But I'm finding I can't do it on my own entirely. This will take a higher power. So one more passage, one more illustration comes to mind. I need to be like Ezekiel, and have a real desire to take this heart of stone. A weary heart, hardened, brittle, and tired. And replace it with a capable loving heart of flesh.
I think if I can do that. Maybe I can be and model the changes I hope to see.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/05/the-healing-power-of-forgiveness?lang=eng
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/11/the-power-to-change?lang=eng
2 Nephi 4:26-29
Ezekiel 11:19, 36:26
Nor do I want to see any hate continue. A large part of that is due to my faith.
As this has been going on I've turned to look at things I've been taught, words that have instructed and comforted me in times of trial. And I'm trying to apply them to myself.
Two talks came to mind. One right before each other. One on forgiveness and the other on repentance. Both about changing. Both from the same man at the end of his life.
James E Faust was a man who had a quiet serenity that has always touched me. My grandfather spent some time as missionary in Salt Lake City. He found himself walking the same route as President Faust on a regular basis. Getting to know him fairly well. Their mannerisms and patterns of speech were often similar. Reflected on these two men's legacy I can't help but be humbled.
Now right before Faust died he gave a talk in General Conference on the healing power of forgiveness. I'm not in the position of authority to tell or direct others to forgive. That would be overstepping my bounds. But I've needed peace. Slowly working my way toward being able to forgive is bringing that. It's a process. But I can see the changes. Especially when I reflect on these words much more eloquent than mine. His words were.
"Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours. The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does not bring happiness.
Some hold grudges for a lifetime, unaware that courageously forgiving those who have wronged us is wholesome and therapeutic."
I'm working through it. I've taken enough time. But it isn't easy.
"If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being. Some recent studies show that people who are taught to forgive become “less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed,” which leads to greater physical well-being. Another of these studies concludes “that forgiveness … is a liberating gift [that] people can give to themselves.”
I hope to feel that. I feel myself shedding my anger. I think that's the first step. I do know that one reason why I didn't want to try to forgive was a feeling of indignation and injustice. But I've come to realize that justice and forgiveness are not incompatible.
"Of course, society needs to be protected from hardened criminals, because mercy cannot rob justice. Bishop Williams addressed this concept so well when he said, “Forgiveness is a source of power. But it does not relieve us of consequences.” When tragedy strikes, we should not respond by seeking personal revenge but rather let justice take its course and then let go. It is not easy to let go and empty our hearts of festering resentment. The Savior has offered to all of us a precious peace through His Atonement, but this can come only as we are willing to cast out negative feelings of anger, spite, or revenge. For all of us who forgive “those who trespass against us,” even those who have committed serious crimes, the Atonement brings a measure of peace and comfort."
This process. This forgiveness isn't about removing justice or forgetting it. It's about our health, growth and peace.
As I've thought about this. Especially in a paradigm where I want to see changes in the world around me, I can't help but notice my own glaring inadequacies. My own foibles and shortcomings. That very anger I described earlier is easy to point toward the self. James E Faust had some posthumous words that though simple seem to stick with me.
"Each one of us has been given the power to change his or her life. As part of the Lord’s great plan of happiness, we have individual agency to make decisions. We can decide to do better and to be better. In some ways all of us need to change; that is, some of us need to be more kind at home, less selfish, better listeners, and more considerate in the way we treat others. Some of us have habits that need to be changed, habits that harm us and others around us. Sometimes we may need a jolt to propel us into changing."
I've felt that jolt. I want to change. I am changing. Am I aware of others who might be as well? As I search inwardly am I giving the same grace to those around me? That's what I keep asking myself. I struggle always to believe I'm capable of bigger and better things. Of just becoming a better person. If I struggle with that idea for myself, how can I possibly be aware of those changes in others.
That's why I need to forgive. That's why I need to change.
If change comes from love, especially on a grander scale then I need to feel it better.
Nephi was a prophet. A truly good man, and he seemed to struggle with these sentiments too.
"26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions."
I think if we try to repent, personally change then forgiveness becomes easier. Then love comes easier.
But I'm finding I can't do it on my own entirely. This will take a higher power. So one more passage, one more illustration comes to mind. I need to be like Ezekiel, and have a real desire to take this heart of stone. A weary heart, hardened, brittle, and tired. And replace it with a capable loving heart of flesh.
I think if I can do that. Maybe I can be and model the changes I hope to see.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/05/the-healing-power-of-forgiveness?lang=eng
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/11/the-power-to-change?lang=eng
2 Nephi 4:26-29
Ezekiel 11:19, 36:26
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