I go to church for sacrament.

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 I go to church most Sundays for the sacrament. And lately that’s been the primary reason.


I wish I could say there was a deeper connection. I wish I could say there was more I got out of it. I wish I could say I enjoyed the auxiliary meetings. I mean some Sundays I wish I could say I enjoyed the talks or testimonies.


I’m not saying this to be harsh. It’s just where I am at spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically.


I love my savior. I love Jesus Christ; his mission, his commission, teachings, and atonement. Following him makes me a better person. Following him makes living this life possible.


But I can’t say I feel comfortable in the culture of the church. I can’t say I don’t struggle with where I fit. With who I am in the body of church.


Let alone with the feeling of depression I’ve had this winter. Let alone with the physical struggles I’ve been working through. 


It’s a lot. And I only have so much to give. 


So I go. I take the sacrament. I reflect on Christ and what he asks of me. I focus on the repentance process in my life. I look at how I can and will do better.


Rinse and repeat next week.


That’s where I’m at right now.


And that’s ok. 


So I wrote in a journal. On a blog. And hope it lets someone else feel less alone. It’s ok to go for the sacrament alone. 






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