Witt's End

I don't know if I make a difference. I just know I've faced some trials. Trials I felt alone and isolated to experience. I just want to find a way to share that experience. To let people know that they are not alone.  I've struggled with faith. With doubt. Spirituality, my relationship with my Savior, with scripture. It's not always been smooth. It's something I don't always think has the tough discussions. Those tough conversations that need to be had. I may not always have the answers, but I want to ask tough questions, I want to have rough conversations, and I want to be honest and open about both my faith and my doubts. I've talked, written, felt like screaming about mental health. Especially the stigmas that involve it. I don't think people feel they can be as open or as raw about their mental or behavioral struggles as much as they could or even should be. Especially men and boys. I hope that in time we can change that. I've addressed some poli...

Changing any psychiatric medication is a crazy experience. It's your brain literally dealing with changes in it's chemistry. That's not someone I say lightly. The chemical balance, amount, and distribution of neurotransmitters are part of what make you yourselves. To not have the proper scale or to rapidly change their amount or function hits you hard. For that reason I understand the caution and reticence that accompanies the idea of using these meds. But for some of us we need them. Sometimes the right meds make the difference. A severe, immediately apparent, difference.  I just began a regimen of medication for my ADHD. It truly feels like waking up. I don't know how else to describe it. I feel like I've been in a fog of my own thoughts for way too long. Now there's a clarity. That's the thing that's hard to talk about. Yes, I've gotten help, yes I've gotten therapy. It's made a difference. But I needed more help. First it was medication f...

 I have to start this off by saying that I need some hope. I need some faith right now. Sometimes we all do.  I came across this picture recently. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It's just a depiction of Christ pulling Peter from the water. Pulling his apostle back up to safety as the waves pulsed and rocked around them. Looking at the scene I was struck by a simple phrase. And it's now one I can't get out of my head. "Peter walked on water." I can't stop thinking about that single point. I've seen multiple depictions of the story, read the scriptures, looked at the art. Almost always it's focused on the point where Peter fails. It focuses on the fall. That's important thing to remember. But it loses it's poignancy if we forget to focus on what preceded that very moment. Peter asked to join his Savior. The Savior invited him. And he walked on water. The conditions were better, the eye was focused. That made all the difference. Because the incre...

I believe in the audacity of equality. By that I mean equality of opportunity. That's an American ideal if there ever was one. And it's never been truly achieved. It's still an aspiration. I don't say that to be pessimistic. But I mean that in a real sense. Equality for all has not truly been achieved in the USA, but we're constantly progressing toward it. Often times, most times, we've led the charge. That doesn't mean we don't have problems to solve. That we've overcome injustice yet. But we're working on it, more than some want to admit. Sometimes in that progression we need to address where the gaps in opportunity are, and any other real injustices. Given the conversation about race, I believe it's a time to have a discussion on the topic.  I don’t buy wholeheartedly into critical race theory and intersectionality. I believe personal accountability is important. Vital even. I can hold both of these ideas in my head when I examine race. I ...

It's time for a bit of honesty. I'm scared of my thoughts and where they often take me. Over time I've realized something important. There's a difference between intrusions and temptations. We need to talk about that. I'm a person of faith, I'm also a man who's struggled with aspects of his behavioral and mental health. I'm not going to say that I'm an expert in theology or psychology, but I feel like maybe I could apply a little of my own life experience to this discussion. I hope that it can help someone out. That we can start discussions that are productive. That we can adequately differentiate between issues of mental health and legitimate sin. I think in many ways it would be easiest to address the more spiritual aspects of the discussion first. Let me start that by saying I truly believe we as humans have access to guidance and comfort from a literal Holy Spirit. Some may call what we're discussing their Jiminy Cricket or their consci...

I have been wondering how to write this.  It's only been a week. The realization and the diagnosis.  I have ADD/ADHD. Both impulsive and inattentive characteristics.  An adult diagnosis. It wasn't entirely out of the realm of reason, but it still hit like a sledgehammer. So much harder than I ever could've expected or anticipated. This changes things I didn't realize it would. I've not exactly shied away from discussing my mental health as of late. Writing, connecting, both have been cathartic for me. Almost necessarily so. People may not realize that. The feelings isolation that often accompany both the symptoms of mental illness, and the stigma of getting help for them. Connection is as important (in my opinion) in resolving feelings of depression or anxiety as mindfulness, exercise, or even medication. It's all aspects of life, and just tools in a toolbox. That's one thing that has me rattled. I've worked hard in therapy, personal resilience, journali...