Witt's End

 I've been looking into violence, domestic terror, mass shootings, suicide, and murder rates and all that since about 2014. And started looking into it a little earnestly in 2020. A couple college papers helped focus that. Working in suicide management also kept that focus alive.  I'm not an expert. This isn't a primary research topic. I just have done a lot of research, and I think it's important we look at data at times like these. And also expand our scope of what we are looking at beyond the past week. Or even 12 weeks.  First we need to note that political violence is part of our historical and modern fabric.   https://www.thebulwark.com/p/a-history-of-violence-17a?utm_campaign=posts-open-in-app&triedRedirect=true Second political violence while common and consistent in our history is still rare.  https://www.cato.org/blog/politically-motivated-violence-rare-united-states But it is rising. It is becoming more common over the last decade https://www.csis...

I own an AR-15. I built it from parts. More assembled it than built it. But that's how you put them together. Especially when you've spent a long time determining how you want to configure your rifle, what the use case(s) would be, and what makes sense to you as the user.  It's a facsimile of a dissipator. 16 inch barrel with full length rifle sights. But instead of a full rifle length gas system it has a mid length gas system hanging out under the handguard. Which instead of an A1 or A2 guard is a Magpul MOE. I run it with iron sights, just cause that's fun to do. Now to many people the writing of those paragraphs would paint me as holding very specific policy plans and goals. But there in lies the rub. The complexity and experience of being someone who owns firearms, really likes them, but thinks we can do more as a society to address the issues they cause.  I started writing this last year and kept stopping and starting. I couldn't ignore various events and the p...

I can't say that I did any better than surviving yesterday. I muddled through my group. Struggled through charting.  I'm just tired. And it's a kind I haven't felt in a long long time. But it's pervasive, and it's getting a lot worse. I wonder how long I can keep doing what I'm doing. I used to think it mattered. Now I'm not so sure. At least to anyone but me.  For the first time I'm questioning what the hell I'm doing. And that scares the shit out of me.  I didn't think I would be one to find the purpose of life in my career. I am still not sure if that is true. But I do want my work to mean something. That those hours are worth more than the intrinsic value of the paycheck.  So what do I do? I'm not sure and maybe it's time to stop being circumspect and I should just face it head on. So I'm going to try that and just let things be what they are.  This current administration as an entity has enmity for the poor, indigent, homeles...

God or prophet tells  people to do a thing. People do not do thing. God or prophet calls people to repentance. It's a common pattern throughout the Christian spiritual canons. It's a common refrain and story.  But that isn't all of it. There's plenty of other stuff in there too.  Not an insignificant portion of the canon of scripture I grew up with is also telling prophets to not do dumb sh** or fix the dumb sh** they did. Them specifically. Not the people. It's in the Old Testament with Jonah, countless times with the apostles in The New Testament, and throughout the Book of Mormon, and even major sections of the Doctrine & Covenants.  I bring this up for a reason. One of the foundations of my faith was the fact that change is always possible. That it's hopefully inevitable. Part of that faith was focused by the belief that the heavens weren't closed. That there was always communication. And it goes through prophets, right? When we look at that propheti...

It's the week or so after Easter Sunday. I can't help continuing to reflect on Easter. It's one of the greatest days of hope and renewal. A fresh start. A new dawn.  It's the day that makes me question the term god-fearing more than any other.  I'm at the point in my life where I worry that a fear of the divine will hold me back, more than guide and set me free.  I want to focus so much more on who I am to be instead of what I'm not to be.  I get that more and more from looking at the words of the Savior himself. There was a specifically positive message for the majority of his speaking. A productive message. And I need to live that. Love God. Show him you do by loving your neighbor.  That's the crux of it all right. The thesis.  We can get into more details. Mourn with those who mourn. Stand with those in need of comfort. Do it unto the least of these. Share talents. Grow talents. Be the Good Samaritan.  I have things I can. Things I need to do. To be...

Recovery. Progress. These are two terms I talk about all the time. The path that happens when we choose to address something. It's the next phase of the journey. And it can lead to healing. Currently it's the entire focus on what I do. Just supporting people in their recovery.  But I can't be a hypocrite. I have to put in the work for myself. Maintaining that recovery for myself and the progress I've made. It's been quite the journey. And every time I think about a potential destination the goal posts move. What I expect of myself changes. I think that's a healthy place to be. It's taken a lot of work. It will continue to take work. There's no end. Just a new way of living.  It's causing me to reflect on the faith that helped get me here. Faith, works, grace. The whole lot of it.  My entire life there has been quite the focus on the Atonement of Jesus Christ and it's role in our lives for redemption and salvation. It's an essential piece of h...

I think we all should think that the Amendments of the Constitution Should Matter. That they define a large part of the rights and responsibilities of the subjects and nation we all live in. I worry that is not the case. Why? They're looking at three terms. And the option mentioned in news reports is literally Putin's playbook.  That's what we're dealing with.  We are looking at a body of people fighting for a third term. And I can't believe it.  This administration doesn't care one bit about the constitution. Let's review the 22nd amendment . "No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President" It's pretty cut and dry. Now I don't always think the originalism of the supreme court has got it right. But most of the time those my hesitance and disagreements are about differences of recognizing historical precedent and analogues. That was always ...

 Dear God, What are we going to do? I fret. I worry. I toss and turn. I can't lose the sleep that I'm not having. It's a forgone conclusion.  So I'm just talking. Without thinking. Letting these thoughts race.  There are too many suffering. Too many worrying. So much more than me. I have been given much alongside my trials, my tribulations, my sorrows. I can't ever lose sight of that. But tonight. These days. I struggle to go to work without shaking. I struggle to concentrate. And I don't think I'm alone.  I may be considered a snowflake for this. A bleeding heart. That's just who I am. I care.  I know these prayers are usually private. That's the way I was raised. And in my streams of consciousness that's usually how it goes. But right not my heart is breaking. And words on a page makes the most sense to me. Is cathartic. Necessary for me. What can I do? Other than shouting in the void. Other than the limited work I keep doing day after day.  It...

I hate not being believed. That's happened a lot recently. But the pain of this one has been offset by a pain that came before.  I want to take us back to COVID times. One of the darkest times in my life.  When COVID was tearing through this country. Early on in the process I was pulled up from working in long term care and hospice to help run an emergency unit for COVID patients. These patients were residents of the Washington State Veterans Home. The unit was dealing with an outbreak. We had to stand up and isolate a unit and pull staff from all over the hospital to help provide care for these veterans and spouses.  I was working in the Community Living Center as a nurse's aid. That portion of the VA was a two wing unit that was a rehab and hospice center. We had to clear all of those patients out and move them into other portions of the hospital to make our COVID unit.  During my time on that unit I helped nurses from primary care navigate the EHR they'd never use...

I believe in being earnest. More and more with time. I know I still have a sarcasm gene that I need to address, I can't deny that; but I feel a growing compulsion toward sincerity. This need to stand behind what I do, and what I say. To be true to the emotions and feelings I hold. Through it all I think there's a level of humility and integrity that can only come from being earnest. The world needs kindness, hope, and connection. And I truly have come to believe that we need earnestness to accomplish that. We need some sincerity and some seriousness. In everything we do. But especially in how we express ourselves. I try to say what I mean. In speech and by pen. Express it honestly. Always. The sincerity of what I try to write leads to scrupulousness. I’m very serious in my writing. To a fault. And because of that I take things to heart. Maybe too much.I don't know how well that's served me.  I've written in the past about the accusations of being softhearted, of bei...