Witt's End

The hand was easier to notice. I assumed it came first. Were the thoughts really that far behind. Or did they even come first. Sometimes changes to our cognition are just harder to notice.  A tremor. Weakness. Pain. Dropping things. Hand writing worsening. Those are all glaring spotlights, right? Let's contrast that.  A mild change in memory. Being stuck on a name. Taking longer to recall or recognize something or someone. That can be so much harder to notice.  Thoughts are fickle things. They often change. They rarely truly persist as a constant. There's too many variables. Cognitive and behavioral changes are difficult to quantify, especially deficits. I personally think it's especially so for a few reasons.  First. In life we change our minds. Simple enough. We have new experiences. We learn new information. Our thought patterns and hopefully our behavior changes accordingly. That's just part of the human experience.  Which leads to the second point. We just ...

Freud thought it was Sex. Nietzsche would talk about a will to power. Others love. Some money. What's the common thread. The meaning of life. I come down somewhere with Frankl. Meaning. Purpose.  For us men that's often compared to our profession. But is that everything?  My job gives me purpose. It's a great job. I feel fulfilled to help people, make a difference. Yet with all that, it's not the main source of meaning in my life. No. There's a lot more to life. Things that give more meaning. Make life worth living and experiencing. Most of all my wife. She's everything. The best of us. The best of me. Then I got four kids. They're the world. The fun. The chaos. The pride. I love them all for who they each are. And we got the cats and dog. They aren't easy always. But they're fuzzy. They love and they care. In their way.  So I exist with them. In a life full of music, literature, art, and nature. Fill it with laughter and good food. Make it a life wo...

When possible sacred writings should be treated with respect. I hate to add this part but it should be regardless of if you share the view of their sacredness or not.  That doesn't mean that scripture needs to be placed on a pedestal. That's dependent on tradition. But it should be used appropriately. I've been hard on scriptures. Physical copies of them. I've carried them in uniform pockets in field. I've read and worn copies to the point the pages fall out or the covers separate. That's what happens when you use things. I would argue properly.  What's horrible is purposeful damage or debasement of someone else's holy text. When I was a missionary someone burned a copy of the Quran on the campus where I was serving. Earlier this week a Quran was struck with a slab of bacon and an attempt to burn it was made. What's most concerning is that Christianity was invoked by apologists in this instances.  How can we let this stand? As a member of the Mormon ...

Often public service requires actions that require compromise with our values. Actions that are at odds with faith and practice. That can cause long-term emotional stress and cognitive challenges. This can include a lot of things. Shame at perpetration. Guilt at surviving. Anger at being on the sidelines. A loss of trust in oneself. All of the above are signs of moral injury.  Some of you are wondering the hell am I talking about? What's moral injury? Some call it a soul wound, but that doesn't really explain it does it. So I'll turn to a couple definitions to lay the ground work.  First from the VA's National Center for PTSD , " In traumatic or unusually stressful circumstances, people may perpetrate, fail to prevent, or witness events that contradict deeply held moral beliefs and expectations." And a similar definition from Syracuse University's Moral Injury Project , " Moral injury is the damage done to one’s conscience or moral compass  when that...

 What has become Christian theology has always been debated. It was hashed out and formed over years of treatise writing and attempts at rhetorical persuasion that led to the creeds and interpretations we have today.  To think there is one simple all encompassing and easily understood theology that answers all problems and questions is the height of hubris. We lean into interpretation and understanding informed by our experiences and overall understanding. Early theologians and church fathers are amazing examples of this. We have regional variances. We have philosophical differences (Plato, the stoics, and the cynics were all often competing influences). And we have strongly various represented priorities. How did the ancient church handle this? Debates. Then a vote. Then a declaration of what was doctrine and what was heresy. It still happens today.  And it's not new. The debates over what we call Christian or not wouldn't surprise the early church fathers, the wouldn't ...

This is my feeble (if long-winded) attempt at bridge building and understanding. I started this piece weeks ago. I shelved it after the Charlie Kirk assassination. I picked it back up after President Nelson passed and then had a night where I could stop writing here and elsewhere following the shooting and arson of the chapel in Grand Blanc. I'd be lying if this was easy to commit to paper. But I have to. Rarely have I felt this level of compulsion to write. To share what I have to say.  Let me try. Here's a start. My faith is not what it once was. Surety has been replaced by hope. Which probably isn't a bad thing. The focus is more on fundamentals of belief and the actions they bring.  I have absolutely struggled with the theology, doctrines, practices, policies, and culture surrounding the faith of my youth. I'm open and honest about that. But I worry that's not always returned. The honest assessment that we all struggle with the teachings and guidance of such a l...

Spoken word is strange. Without a way to catch it, record it, what happens? It disappears. Forever.  Airwaves and vibrations dissipating as quickly as they appear.  For centuries, millennia we only had one way to record thoughts. Words. Language. We had to write it down.  We say we can hear the voice of those long past. But we can't. As much as I love the written word it misses so much. Inflection and tone. Breath. Accent. Vowels and consonants.  If only we could have a way to lift that from the written pages of yore. To hear their voice.  The closest is probably music right. Staff paper, notes and lyrics. Maybe that's what's makes it so magical.  I don't know.  I just wonder. What the voices of the past really sounded like. And how we can be sure.  To catch the fleeting thing. The thoughts, the feelings, the moments.  --- There's a reason Shakespeare has had more staying power in the public conscious than Thomas Wyatt or Edmund Spenser. Chri...

Too often us humans tell ourselves that religious participation will solve all of our problems. That all of the resources we need are in one place. But are they? Is church truly the place that fix all of our temporal and physical needs as well as the spiritual? Does it have the resources required to do so. I'm not sure.  This may be the ultimate expression of "I need prayer and my medication" I've ever written. Because I am seeing more and more how different aspects of my life need different helps and attention.  There was a time where I tied my mental health to my spirituality. But that has changed. Mostly through experience. Now I view them separately but impacted by each other. Both because I've needed to address my mental health. And because I channeled it into a career.  I love my current role in my career. I'm passionate about it. Being able to help people on recovery is a massive aid to my own recovery. I love being able to have access to literature and...

 I've been looking into violence, domestic terror, mass shootings, suicide, and murder rates and all that since about 2014. And started looking into it a little earnestly in 2020. A couple college papers helped focus that. Working in suicide management also kept that focus alive.  I'm not an expert. This isn't a primary research topic. I just have done a lot of research, and I think it's important we look at data at times like these. And also expand our scope of what we are looking at beyond the past week. Or even 12 weeks.  First we need to note that political violence is part of our historical and modern fabric.   https://www.thebulwark.com/p/a-history-of-violence-17a?utm_campaign=posts-open-in-app&triedRedirect=true Second political violence while common and consistent in our history is still rare.  https://www.cato.org/blog/politically-motivated-violence-rare-united-states But it is rising. It is becoming more common over the last decade https://www.csis...

I own an AR-15. I built it from parts. More assembled it than built it. But that's how you put them together. Especially when you've spent a long time determining how you want to configure your rifle, what the use case(s) would be, and what makes sense to you as the user.  It's a facsimile of a dissipator. 16 inch barrel with full length rifle sights. But instead of a full rifle length gas system it has a mid length gas system hanging out under the handguard. Which instead of an A1 or A2 guard is a Magpul MOE. I run it with iron sights, just cause that's fun to do. Now to many people the writing of those paragraphs would paint me as holding very specific policy plans and goals. But there in lies the rub. The complexity and experience of being someone who owns firearms, really likes them, but thinks we can do more as a society to address the issues they cause.  I started writing this last year and kept stopping and starting. I couldn't ignore various events and the p...

I can't say that I did any better than surviving yesterday. I muddled through my group. Struggled through charting.  I'm just tired. And it's a kind I haven't felt in a long long time. But it's pervasive, and it's getting a lot worse. I wonder how long I can keep doing what I'm doing. I used to think it mattered. Now I'm not so sure. At least to anyone but me.  For the first time I'm questioning what the hell I'm doing. And that scares the shit out of me.  I didn't think I would be one to find the purpose of life in my career. I am still not sure if that is true. But I do want my work to mean something. That those hours are worth more than the intrinsic value of the paycheck.  So what do I do? I'm not sure and maybe it's time to stop being circumspect and I should just face it head on. So I'm going to try that and just let things be what they are.  This current administration as an entity has enmity for the poor, indigent, homeles...

God or prophet tells  people to do a thing. People do not do thing. God or prophet calls people to repentance. It's a common pattern throughout the Christian spiritual canons. It's a common refrain and story.  But that isn't all of it. There's plenty of other stuff in there too.  Not an insignificant portion of the canon of scripture I grew up with is also telling prophets to not do dumb sh** or fix the dumb sh** they did. Them specifically. Not the people. It's in the Old Testament with Jonah, countless times with the apostles in The New Testament, and throughout the Book of Mormon, and even major sections of the Doctrine & Covenants.  I bring this up for a reason. One of the foundations of my faith was the fact that change is always possible. That it's hopefully inevitable. Part of that faith was focused by the belief that the heavens weren't closed. That there was always communication. And it goes through prophets, right? When we look at that propheti...